h a l f b a k e r yA dish best served not.
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Make it place the first shovel of sand and I think you have a winner! |
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I doubt it would be well received, but I like it. I never minded being a pall bearer, though. |
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So the funeral cortege consists of a belly-dump hearse, a modified BD hearse with a six-foot tall sunroof extension filled with earth, and a steamroller. |
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Bish bash bosh, job done. |
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Actually, I belive the mob baked this a while back. |
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Just combine it into one vehicle...like a modified Tahoe hearse. Put the coffin in place, open the top dump the dirt in, attach a weighted roller to the back. |
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Someone's gonna still have to put the body in the thing. As far as I see it, you haven't solved any problems except maybe speedbump shortages which don't currently exist, so [-] |
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Didn't I detail the problem I intended to solve? (checks back) er, I guess I didn't. Anyway, while on my way home from the store today, I was passed by a loaded hearse. Doing about 70 in a 40 mph zone. Didn't have his lights and siren on, either. |
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As our minivan bucked in the turbulence, I happened to remember a recent statement by Neil Armstrong that over half of the population of the planet wasn't alive at the time of the moon landings. (Yes, my mind commonly makes such state-transitions.) I thought, 'That kind of an up-hook in population will assuredly result a similar up-hook in personal deadness someday, and if these tachy-morticians are so far behind already, we gotta do something...' |
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Oh, well then. Bone retracted. Clickclicksmile |
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A 'belly-dump' is a bulk carrier - most commonly for gravel or dirt, but can also haul grain, asphalt, fertilizers, liquids of most sorts; the defining condition being that the load is discharged through a door or port on the bottom of the vehicle; thus eliminating the need for manual handling of the load or a posture change of the vehicle (as with a "dump truck"). Although the most common belly-dumps are semi-trailers (because of the long span between axles, allowing a non-interfered bridge of the drop zone), I am actually seeing this as being more like bomb-bay doors on a Daihatsu pickup. |
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Or sorta like a traveling boat hoist. See link. |
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Make a front-wheel drive car as wide as possible, and put a hoist system in the back. The sides and roof would have to be extra-strong upside-down U-shapes, but it could be done. |
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Dont forget the sod! see link. |
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I thought you all would have more respect for the dead...Honestly, would you like your funeral to consist of "thud! *weep* lets get out of here!" [-] |
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Actually, I want my funeral to go like this... make everyone sad with dramatic music.... then, cue the hilarious montage music such as "yakety sax" as my corpse shoots down a zipline, hits a stop propelling my legs forward and up releasing my "kung fu grip" from the handle, my body dropping into the coffin with the force slamming the lid shut, which drops the coffin into the hole, triggering the release of the dirt onto my coffin. The End. Whats that one song.. Da Da Da da da... Da Da da da da... Da Da Da da da Daaa! "Thats all folks" ::slide whistle:: |
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Can it have a big hole-punch in the front? It would be a rectangular tube of appropriate size, with acomodation for a rolling cutter that can slide under the bottom. The tube would be driven down into the earth with great force, the bottom would roll under, and the apperatus would lift, leaving a beautiful six foot deep hole. |
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Then it would roll forward to deposit the body and roll backwards to deposit the dirt. Heavy roller on the back to squish it down.
You can use the hopper on top not for dirt, but for bodies! Burials, cheap! One at a time or en masse for extra savings! |
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Of course it also needs an automated tombstone emplacement mechanism and a suitable loudspeaker for playing the Funeral March. |
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Ooh, [brevity], with a current WPCS of 1.75, which is good very good, and I'm sure will climb. |
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Sometimes the shortest ideas are the best written. |
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The New Yorker once ran a cartoon with the lead funeral guy, dressed in a cape sort of outfit, with a bull horn up to his mouth yelling "take one". |
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The cartoon said something to the effect that "well he always wanted to be a funeral, director", while they brought the corpse back up again and again, and the morners wiped the tears from their faces. |
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[theleopard] - don't you mean NVPW (Net Votes Per Word)? (see link) |
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Yup, I just couldn't remember what it was. I went for Words Per Croissant Score, or something to that effect. |
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2 is a damn good score too, although I am loathe to count "Screechthudvroom" as one word rather than 3. |
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[21 Quest] I feel that "I am *seeing* this" is more likely a tagline than "bomb-bay doors on a diahatsu". |
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yeah, sure. all good things come to an end. let 'er rip. + |
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One of a kind, this idea. |
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'Actually, I want my funeral to go like
this...'' |
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Oh, me too. In mine, the pallbearers
would trip and drop the the coffin,
which would break open, revealing that
the box was empty. Then the banging
from the inside of the hearse would
begin. When everyone ran off, the
hearse could then belly dump my coffin
into another hole. |
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This should be a service. I sure the
BDH could be incorporated. |
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Ah, yes...of course,! Drive through funerals...I like it...I like it a lot. It gives an exciting new meaning to the concept. |
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The vehicle should be a convertible, so that the departed could go from viewing in repose to decomposing out of view. |
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No hearse or digging equipment needed, just the steamroller. As cemeteries become more crowded you could flat-pack entire families. |
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Make the vehicle the width of a minibus. Provide bench seats on either side, facing inwards, so the mourners can travel to the site in air conditioned comfort, and grieve or pay respects to the deceased, who rests on a platform between them, as they travel. Ideal for disabled mourners, who are saved the arduous trek to the gravesite. |
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One in position over the grave, proceed as above. The coffin may be lowered electrically/hydraulically, or for a touch of tradition and ceremony, by a winch handle cranked by the lead mourner. |
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A seat at the front, facing backwards, accommodates the religious or non-religious funeral observant (celebrant just seems wrong) of your choice. |
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Or use a full-sized passenger bus. Fill the rear with pews, and conduct the entire funeral service en route. |
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// more like bomb-bay doors // |
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"Steady … steady … left … steady … left …
left … bomb gone, Skipper !" |
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(A small prize will be awarded to anyone who
spots the intentional inconsistency) |
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With that number of left turns, probably bombing own airfield. |
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Anyway, dammit, I was going to go for the old airforce pilots bit, you beat me to it. Mine would have included a Daihatsu pickup strapped to a stealth bomber and a laser-guided coffin from 35,000 feet. |
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