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I have long thought that when it's my time to go, I want it to be freaking awesome. Preferably something involving exploding bikinis. Or maybe aliens. Or both.
That being said, I'm sure that's NOT how I'll make my exit. Chances are that like most people I'll die quietly in my own home.
As a
proxy for an awesome termination, I'll settle for an awesome burial.
A giant slingshot would be erected near an oceanside cliff face somewhere, maybe 100 meters away to allow for decent flight time. The dearly departed would be placed carefully in the slingshot, with flowers and a coulple of stones attached to the torso, or perhaps a set of lead belts artfully hidden by clothing. Dressed in his or her Sunday finery, the sling would be drawn back to maximum tension, and to the tune of an appropriate dirge, be released.
After a few seconds of flight, the about-to-be-buried would strike the cliffs with an artless *thwack!*, and then fall into the ocean below. The aforementioned weights would keep this person from washing up downshore, and instead allow the person to re-enter the world's ecosystem at the place where we first exited.
For those seeking a more dignified service, the slingshot (or as [zen_tom] suggested, a trebuchet) could be aimed out to sea. This actually seems to be a more popular modification than my original.
Catapult
Catapult
Similar, but crappily written. [hidden truths, Aug 11 2006, last modified Aug 14 2006]
A book for Shapu
100_20Things_20To_2..._20You_20Will_20Die
Twanged into a cliff comes in at number 76. [theleopard, Jul 01 2008]
the bigger the slingshot, the more undignified the backfire
http://i1023.photob...rmelon_catapult.gif
[swimswim, Jan 19 2014]
Hollywood Car Disposal
Hollywood_20Car_20Disposal
A cliff funeral. For your car. Circa 2005. [Cedar Park, May 26 2014]
[link]
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Will they be lighting you on fire first? |
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//Will they be lighting you on fire first?// |
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Only if I'm being used in a siege machine, but then, that's already been done. |
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Great. I hope my death involves being devoured by a grue/ninja cyborg. Oh, and how many people have died in your home? |
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//Oh, and how many people have died in your home?// |
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Enough that my purchase price was through the floor. |
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As were the bullet holes. *rimshot* |
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I may be scuba diving tomorrow. Wear all your best jewelry, won't you? |
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Five years makes an awful lot of difference to how ideas are voted it seems. Although this is written better, it's ostensibly the same idea as linked. |
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I'd also swear I read a third idea that was almost exactly the same as these, but I could be imagining it. |
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Edit: On "Quickie Funerals" idea: //Hmm, Maybe I'd like to be launched from a massive rachet controlled crossbow off a high cliff where everyone could watch with bated breath while the casket sailed through the air off into the distance, smashed onto the rocks of the canyon below, then was swept to sea in the boiling rapids. No obligatory pandering eulogies please! Just show up, shoot, watch and go home. Call it "The Evel Kneivel funeral"
-[BrauBeaton]// |
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Apparently my searches were unsuccessful and incomplete. |
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Thanks for the "better written" part. I'll take that to my grave, wherever it is. |
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My luck, the story would have a cliffhanger ending. |
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On second thoughts, I've taken away the MFD. I can't say that I like the precedent of an idea being deleted because an idiot previously posted a similar idea that was lousy and hatelful. |
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And, um, splatting the dearly departed against a cliff is not hateful...? |
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(It has my vote, though, if only for the launching straight out to sea.) |
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Likewise, a funeral service conducted around a well fashioned trebuchet (it seems more dignified than a slingshot) would have a certain solemness - as would watching your loved one fly off into the sunset (I too prefer the seaward version) finally slipping 'neath the waves with a splash dependent upon the type of casket utilised. |
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Years later, people might return to the same cliff top, gather around the trebuchet and gaze out over the horizon, thinking of their lost love, and their final, noble trajectory. |
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[Ian] I think Cliff's got a pretty big garden. Plus, you could have a nice game of tennis after the wake. |
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My presumption would be that any caskets used would be made of untreated wood. |
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I like the trebuchet idea. |
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Side-question for the ages:
Would a funeral near a shoreline be restricted by the no-wake zones? |
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I still like the idea in its original form. The thought of a loud "thwack" as the body impacts the cliffs brings a joy to my heart. You and your funeral would be long remembered, for sure. [+] |
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There are 'hanging coffins' in some places in the Philippines, like the Cordilleras (a mountain range north of Manila). The coffins can be seen halfway down the cliff face, resting on ledges and outcrops. I don't think they used a slingshot to get them up there though. |
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[+] because like [Klaatu], I actually kinda like the thought of having a funeral like this. And in the unlikely event that I'm pronounced dead prematurely, I'd prefer to find out this way than six feet under, scrabbling at the coffin lid. |
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You are missing the one thing that would make this perfect, explosions... why not aim for a passing by ship? I'm sure the medieval recreation people need the practice |
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I'm always amazed when my long-lost ideas get found again. I'm guessing [Klaatu] hit the random button? |
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//I'm guessing [Klaatu] hit the random button?// |
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Nope. Was thinking of a similar idea for flaming trebuchet funerals but found it was prior art. Had to bun a great idea. |
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Probably just your feet would wash up after they rotted loose. I guess there is an epidemic of this going on. It is because shoes are floaty. |
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Wouldn't it be more fun to aim the body for the coffin first? |
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I have friends who had a house high up on the cliff in Sidney. A permanent assortment of catapults (once it becomes a standard industry) could definitely ruin the view. But thats the way we like to ruin our planet... |
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// we like to ruin our planet // |
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Hey, we can do that for you wholesale... |
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Sharks used to follow slave ships across the Atlantic. |
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This will make it too easy for them. |
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Well, sharks ARE threatened. Might as well help a
brother out, you know? |
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Meh, I'm not going until I can be auto cremated on
my way down through the atmosphere (preferably
Jupiter's, extrasolar would be even better, but I'm
not picky). This isn't a bad alternative though, at
least the directly seaward version. |
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I wonder if I predate Eddie on this one? |
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Having a trebuchet fling your corpse into an active volcano would also be memorable for your grieving relatives. |
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//Having a trebuchet fling your corpse into an active volcano would also be memorable for your grieving relatives.// |
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Would it appease the gods though? |
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