h a l f b a k e r yThe phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.
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As you walk up to the entrance of the bar, a chicken crosses
the road in front of you.
You enter, and the first thing you notice is a group of blonds
screwing in a light bulb.
You walk up to the bar where you notice a plank sitting on
one of the bar stools.
On the other side of you is a frayed
knot.
At one table you notice a nun and a priest chatting away.
At another, there's an Englishman, an Irishman and a
Scotsman.
You hear the door of the bar open and turn to see a horse
walk into the bar.
The bar has a stage where comedians get up and do their
thing. While they're not performing the comedians just hang
out in the bar, dressed as a joke. The chicken and the horse
are well-trained pets. It's always happy hour.
Inspired by a TV ad.
12-inches of...
http://www.apostrop...rchives/000387.html
[RayfordSteele, Feb 18 2005]
Bar none
http://www.funny2.com/bar.htm
[normzone, Sep 29 2010]
[link]
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Where's the talking dog with $20.00? |
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Do you have to knock to get in? |
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And the duck with the construction hat and tools? |
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Never heard the one about the duck... |
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and a 12 inch pianist playing in the corner? |
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Are the peanuts complimentary? |
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do they let cycle paths in? |
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South African Ad for a dry cider. |
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Then the internet was invented and bars returned to normal. |
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bet they don't serve food. |
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Two blondes walked into a building. You'd think *one* of them would have seen it. |
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Pool table and mandatory cup 'o urine jokes are prevalent as well I presume? |
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Urine jokes are a measure of humanity. |
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What about the hardest sweet in the pub hiding in the corner when a Menthol Sweet walks in?
Or the horse with the long face? Or the bear with the big pause? Sheesh!, I ain't drinking in here till the clientele improves. + |
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A guy walks into a bar and orders a molotov cocktail. |
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Angel, I am sorry, but I found myself smiling at your blonde joke. |
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The fact that the brightest woman I have ever had the pleasure to know, (bris), is blonde, I still had to laugh. (Please understand, being Native American, and Irish, I get my share as well.) |
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And the mushroom who's a fun-guy. |
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"Whiskey?" askes the Bartender "We've got one named after you!" |
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"Okay" says the White Horse "Give me a shot of Eric"
</personal favourite> |
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<Tommy Cooper> ...and I went OOF! - It was an iron bar. </Tommy Cooper> |
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and a hamster dancing on a biscuit tin. |
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. |
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Where's the ostrich and a cat who won't buy a round? |
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There's some guy ordering a pint of guinness and a shit sandwich. |
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> A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
>
>
> "A beer please, and one for the road." |
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> Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
>
> One says, "I've lost my electron."
>
> The other says, "Are you sure?"
>
> The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." |
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> A sandwich walks into a bar.
>
>
> The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here." |
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But hey,where's the farmer's daughter? |
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and where's the rabbi, the catholic priest and the protestant priest? |
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"Excuse me sir, but everyone in this bar just saw you get off your horse, go 'round to the back end, lift its tail and kiss its ass." "I've got to ask why?"
"Chapped lips."
"Chapped lips?" "Does that cure chapped lips?"
"Naw, but it sure keeps me from licking'em. |
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Where's the guy with the 12 inch
pianist? |
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iso, here you go... <link> |
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I'll see your geeky science joke, and raise you: |
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Two stars walk into a bar. One says, "hey, I'm now the
brightest object in the Earth's night sky!" The other asks,
"are you sure?" |
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[I don't think this one will trigger the [aye/narr function]] |
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A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. |
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The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off." |
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"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off." |
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"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate. |
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"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook" |
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Don't sit between the skeleton and the mop. |
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You can't serve beer to a bear in a bar in Bariboo. |
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I know that, but I declined to post that joke. If you're brave enough, I'll ask..... |
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I went searching, and it turns out [Unabubba] already told this joke in another anno. See link. |
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(edit) With the mercurial exit of [UB] went the link. |
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// I'll bite. Why not? // |
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For the love of Peter, no! |
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+ I'll leave this croissant at the bar! |
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A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double Entendre. So the barman gives her one. |
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Have we heard anything from the talking frog? |
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Argon floats in to a bar and the barman says "Hey! We don't serve noble gases in here", Argon doesn't react. |
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And then there is the oldest joke of them all....
Vincent Van Gogh walks into a bar. The barman asks him if he wants a drink. "No thanks, " says Van Gogh, "I've got one ear." |
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Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve bacteria in this bar." The bacteria say "But we work here! We're staph." |
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A guy walks in to a bar and asks for a packet of helicopter flavoured crisps. The barman says, "Sorry mate. We've only got plane." |
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Careful now - most of these jokes are antiques. |
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Two Tourette's sufferers walk into a fucking bar... |
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Do elephents hide upside down in the custard? |
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