THEM

THEM - Topical, Holistic, Enterprise Media corporation, and its PR division THEY - Topical, Holistic and Enterprising for You. Salary negotiable, must have own green biro. New employees may be required to sign confidentiality agreements.

Are you a self-motivated person who wants to make a difference in people's lives? Well, never mind that. We are currently looking for self-reliant, self-confident (or just plain self-ish) individuals to become field operatives for the worldwide media consultancy, THEM. We at THEM have a number of vacancies in our consumer-relations division, THEY, for operatives to work in the field. Your responsibilities are as wide-ranging as our ambitions - THEY are central to politics, dispensing advice and guidance to major governments everywhere. THEY help support cabals, juntas and other political organizations worldwide - THEY aim to be everywhere. An important part of your responsibilities will be passing on feedback from customers - we like our clients to think that THEY are always listening. As our past record shows, THEY have frequently been central in some of the biggest events of the last century - when aliens finally arrive, they will definitely be working with THEM!

Housed in the same offices, THEY are in constant communication with THEM, and operatives who start work in PR often end up working for THEM in a more direct role. Opportunites are available for presentable people to act as spokepersons who will be instrumental in putting forth what THEY say, and also as customer service operators, where your main duties will include managing inquiries from people with foil-lined soup bowls on their heads.

So if you are naturally attracted to people wearing foil-lined soup bowls on their heads, then get in touch with us. THEY are looking for you! We at THEM want YOU to be part of US! Serious applications only please, no conspiracy websites.

... so I guess the idea would be to set up a media consultancy which will do very little but acquire a bogus authority every time someone says, 'well, that's what THEY say, anyway.' I reckon that by claiming the third person plural as our own, the free advertising we get should mean that by 2020 the world will be run by THEM.