The White Knight's Song - Lewis Carroll

I'll tell thee everything I can;
There's little to relate.
I saw an aged aged man,
A-sitting on a gate.
"Who are you, aged man?" I said,
"And how is it you live?"
And his answer trickled through my head
Like water through a sieve.

He said, "I look for butterflies
That sleep among the wheat:
I make them into mutton-pies,
And sell them in the street.
I sell them unto men," he said,
"Who sail on stormy seas;
And that's the way I get my bread—
A trifle; if you please."

But I was thinking of a plan
To dye one's whiskers green,
And always use so large a fan
That they could not be seen.
So, having no reply to give
To what the old man said,
I cried, "Come, tell me how you live!"
And thumped him on the head.

His accents mild took up the tale:
He said, "I go my ways,
And when I find a mountain-rill,
I set it in a blaze;
And thence they make a stuff they call
Rowland's Macassar-Oil—
Yet twopence-halfpenny is all
They give me for my toil."

But I was thinking of a way
To feed oneself on batter,
And so go on from day to day
Getting a little fatter.
I shook him well from side to side,
Until his face was blue:
"Come, tell me how you live," I cried,
"And what it is you do!"

He said, "I hunt for haddocks' eyes
Among the heather bright,
And work them into waistcoat buttons
In the silent night.
And these I do not sell for gold
Or coin of silvery shine,
But for a copper halfpenny,
And that will purchase nine.

"I sometimes dig for buttered rolls,
Or set limed twigs for crabs;
I sometimes search the grassy knolls
For wheels of hansom-cabs.
And that's the way" (he gave a wink)
"By which I get my wealth—
And very gladly will I drink
Your Honour's noble health."

I heard him then, for I had just
Completed my design
To keep the Menai bridge from rust
By boiling it in wine.
I thanked him much for telling me
The way he got his wealth,
But chiefly for his wish that he
Might drink my noble health.

And now, if e'er by chance I put
My fingers into glue,
Or madly squeeze a right-hand foot
Into a left-hand shoe,
Or if I drop upon my toe
A very heavy weight,
I weep, for it reminds me so
Of that old man I used to know—
Whose look was mild, whose speech was slow,
Whose hair was whiter than the snow,
Whose face was very like a crow,
With eyes, like cinders, all aglow,
Who seemed distracted with his woe,
Who rocked his body to and fro,
And muttered mumblingly and low,
As if his mouth were full of dough,
Who snorted like a buffalo—
That summer evening long ago
A-sitting on a gate.

wrezzzad42@gmail.com remove those 3 zs, or wrezzzad will get your mail.

[Oct 01 2002, last modified Mar 13 2019]

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NYC foot ferry (0)
Nylon Medals (+1)
Obligatory pro forma insurance for American Cavemen (+2, -2)
Ocean diaper (0)
office camouflage (+14)
Old Food Scavenger Hunt (+6)
Old soundtrack new cartoon (0)
Onbutts (+4)
One Wheel Pinewood Car (+7, -2)
Online Furniture Rearrangement (+5, -1)
Online videogame brain damage therapy (0)
Onsite pelletizer for bulk kitty litter (+6)
Open Carry Panhandling (+4)
Open Carry Pants (+2)
Opinion polls for jurors (+16)
Origami moving fishing flies (+7)
Oxygen vape (+3)
Oxytocin amnestic as adjunct for minor procedure (0)
Pacifier Light (+1)
Pager holding Spider (+7)
Pager Mass Marketing (+1, -1)
Paintball Waterloo Re-Enactment (+3, -2)
PanArab Federation (+1, -2)
Paper mannikin (+5)
Parabolic dish guitar (+2)
Parabolic siren (+2)
Paraffin dog treats (+2, -2)
Pareidolia Drawing Game (+3)
Pasta spoons (+17, -1)
PDF powerpoint condenser (+3, -3)
Pedal Wheelchair (+11)
Perfect poop pill (+8, -3)
Perforated garden tiles (+4)
Perfume Depot (0)
Perfume Ices (0)
Perfume Magic Markers (+5, -2)
Peripheral Psychedelics (+5)
Permaflash (+2, -5)
Permaglow (0)
Perpetual Motion Machine (+10, -3)
Perpetual rocket top (+2)
Persona Obfuscation (+4, -3)
Pheromonal domestic violence prevention (+2, -1)
Phone blitz app (+1, -2)
Phone sex AI (0)
Phone sword (+3)
Phonecam translation (0)
Phoneticize all languages using the Internet (0)
Pierced Sac (+1)
Pig Arabic (-2)
Pillbox toothbrush caddy (+7)
Pirate repelling gas (+6, -4)
Pit Stop Makeover (+13)
Plant immunity (+2)
Plasma Rail Railgun (+9)
Platonic African Kibbutz (0)
Plywood pencil (+2, -2)
Pneumatic DungGun (+7, -3)
Pneumatic trebuchet (+2)
Political Baywatch (0)
Poopgarrotte (+13, -2)
Pop Rocks of Love (0)
Popproof Paper Bubbloon (+1)
Porsche Trebuchet (+2, -1)
Positivity Jenga (+7)
Pothole quickfix kit (+8)
Potty Bong Air Filter (+6)
Powdered artificial mucus (+6)
Power duster (0)
Power Rangers: The Musical (+11, -10)
Power Whack A Mole (+16)
Practice for brains in jars. (+6, -2)
Prerolled cig papers (0)
Press-on graffiti art (+8, -1)
Pressurized flower greener (+1, -3)
Pretattooed Undergarb (+6)
Princess Tiara Sunglasses (+11)
Print physician DEA # on opiate pills (+3)
Print posters on a standard printer (+5)
Prisoners Dilemma Solitaire (+8, -1)
Pro static spray (+4)
Program your monster (+4)
Project Florist (+5, -1)
Prostate cancer prevention with babies (+3, -1)
Proximity Text Messaging (+3)
Pruning Ammo (+7)
Pubic Hair Beads (+21, -3)
Pubic Hair Sticker (+1)
Public Access Phone Reminders (+3)
Puzzle Putty (+11)
Pyramidal Lego (+4, -1)
Pyramidal Protest Parasol (+12)
Pyrolithotrophs (+2)
Quack button (+4)
Radio GNAW (0)
Radioactive beta cream (-1)
Radiolabel the Martians (+1)
Radiosurgery for addictive behavior (-1)
RailBlunderBuss (+7)
Random Image Gin (0)
Random Image Screensaver (+19)
Ransom note font scrambler (+12, -2)
Rapid CD transfer device (+1)
Rational anti-rage drug (+3)
Reactive hard hat (+4, -1)
Rebar pen (+13)
Recycled crayon paint (+2, -1)
Recycled Pencil Sampler (+3)
Recycled starlet dress ties (+3)
Red heat pencil sharpener (+4)
Red light veinfinder (+10)
Relaxin potentiated orthodontia (+4)
Remake Star Trek (+9, -12)
Remote controlled predator submarine (-1)
Remote quality control via Internet (+5, -1)
Rename Haiti (+3, -4)
Resistance underwear (+2)
Resonant frequency app (+3)
Resume Repository (+1, -1)
Reverse fusion ion drive (+1, -2)
Reverse smartphone typing corrector (+1)
Reverse the sewers to cool Fukushima (+1, -1)
Reversed 2-pattern tie (+9)
Ring adaptor (+2, -1)
Ringbacked Rubber Gloves (+3)
Riot Floats (+3, -2)
River as heat sink (+5)
Roadkill refinery (+16)
Robber Width Estimator (+3, -2)
Robot Battle Tower Defense (+2)
Robot Radio Jukebox (0)
Rocket soap (+2)
Roller heels (+5, -1)
Rollermote (0)
Rolling fresnel sidewalk weeder (+15)
Rolling stencil basket (+4)
Rooftop Data Matrix device (+1)
Rootin Tootin Mutant Gluten (+3)
Rotary wiper (0)
Rotating skateboard pipe (+4)
Rubberized Dog Claw Polish (+9)
Russian doll shotgun shells (+2, -1)
Russian Easter Egg Ammunition (+5, -1)
Rusty Car (+30, -1)
Sand tablets (+11, -2)
Sandal destinker (+1)
Sarin Sweat Lodge (+3, -7)
Satellite hunting (+7, -2)
Saucegun (+5, -1)
Save the Desert Tortoise with fake tortoises. (+10)
Savory flavored dishwashing soap (+3, -2)
Screenclean Flamethrower (+11, -1)
Screw-link chain (+5)
Screwdriver Mandala Necklace (+7)
Scripted Audience Noise (+5)
Scrotal Fortification (+5, -4)
Second social security number (+1, -2)
Seizure site (0)
Self extinguishing cigarettes. (-1)
Seminal vesicle implants (+3, -3)
Semitransparent window (+2, -1)
Septic tank wicks (-1)
Sequester CO2 in the oceanic dead zones (+3, -5)
Set a thief to catch a thief (+3)
Sheet magnets (+2)
Shittoon (+7)
Shiva watch (+4, -1)
Shock bell (+1)
Shotguns in space (+8, -3)
Shower water salvager (+3)
Shredded truck tire roadkill sculpture (+4)
Shrunken Santa Head (+16, -1)
Siallogenic cat treats (+1)
Sickle Cell Treatment (0)
Siegebreaker balloon (+4)
Signal blocking cell phone case (+3)
Silver coins, not gift cards (+6)
Silver nitrate lube (+2)
Sing your Social Security (+4, -1)
Single frequency growlight (+3)
Singspoiler (0)
Skeet Defense (+9)
Skeet Pinata (+12)
Skinsecticide (+1)
Skipping sidearm catapult (+21)
Sliding scale plane seats (+3)
Sliding tile wall calendar (+2)
Slippery Hangman (+5)
Slobberproof show cigarette (0)
Slope Floor House (0)
Sloped pan (+3)
Slow developing bug stickers (+4)
Slow drip bottle drain cleaner (+6)
SmartPhone strap (+1, -2)
Smartplugs! (+6, -1)
Snore Hammock (+2)
Snuff puff lighter (0)
Sobering sluice (+12)
Soccer headbounce technique (+1, -7)
SodModule 2003 (0)
Soft and lovely hair shirt (+3, -1)
Soft Sculpture Nards (+3)
Solar forged swimming pool (+11, -1)
Solid antimicrobial fixtures (0)
Solute-based desalination (+2)
Solve grease deposits in sewers with ammonia (+4)
Sorority Junkyard Wars (+2)
Space shout (+5, -4)
Spam apples of discord. (-1)
Spark brake (+13)
Spark rifle (+8)
Speaking chips for disaster relief supplies (+7, -2)
Specialty Cocktail Wiener Variety Pack (+4)
Speedhunters (+1, -5)
Spent casing bead curtain (+15, -1)
Spherical bow (+5)
Spidercake (+2, -2)
Spike Jonesified music and shows (0)
Spiral kite rocket (+4)
Sponge sterilizer (+1)
Spray facilitator champagne attachment (+3, -2)
Spray on stubble (+12, -3)
Spreadfighter chair (0)
Spring loaded TP roll (+3)
Spring water ice (+7)
Stability high heels (+1)
Stadium electroshock Marco Polo (+6, -1)
Standing Wave Bead Chain Ornament (+6)
Stapler Duel (+3, -1)
State health insurance plans compete with private insurance (+1, -1)
Stationary hot air balloon-borne platforms (+18, -1)
Steal the trillion dollar coin (+11)
Steering wheel grip tape (+5, -1)
Stick on ticks (+1)
Stinkflowers (0)
Storm sewer cisterns. (+3)
Street-to-Mountain Tire Conversion (+6, -1)
Student Militia (+4, -2)
Study cancer prevention in pet animals (+3, -1)
Stump Shaker (+4, -3)
Subliminal confetti advertising (+4)
Subway guard rail (+5)
Sun tsu brake (+9, -6)
Superball Collectors! (+1, -2)
Superball shoes (+9)
Supercolony countermeasure (0)
Superconducting railgun projectile (+3, -2)
Supersimple reverse osmosis (+23, -4)
Surf with a stranger (+9, -1)
Sweet cucumber (+2)
Tab tones (+1)
Taser touch football (+7)
Tax Deductable HB (-1)
Tax Internet Porn (+4, -14)
Tellytubby Morlocks (+11, -1)
Temporary ball bearings (0)
Temporary credit cards (-1)
Term Limits For All (+4, -3)
Tesla Heavy (+1, -2)
Tetris Invaders (+3)
Text air traffic controller - with fonts (0)
Text edition history (+2)
Text only webpage (+6)
Thaw wiggler (+7, -1)
THC insecticide (0)
The Achilles Strain (+2)
The body odor genome project (+2)
The Changeling (+7, -1)
The cock punch cartoon show (+7, -2)
The End Time Machine (+6)
The Pencil: a sculpture exhibition (+1)
The Pirate King of Somalia (+12, -1)
The Zombie (+15, -1)
Therapeutic tattoo (+1)
Therapeutic Ticks (0)
Theremin Mouse2 (+3)
Thermite dry ice rocket (+8, -1)
Thermite powered steam car (+12, -1)
Thorny catnip (0)
Threadnuts (+1)
Three Gay Stooges (+2, -5)
Tiger painting (+1)
Tinnitus cure (+11, -1)
Tire armor (+2)
Tire Fur (+9, -1)
Tire Magnoguard (+1)
Tire whistlepig (+9, -1)
Toddler tats (+8, -2)
Toilet Overflow Dam (+8)
Toilet seat microphone (+15)
Toilet spray jet modification (+1, -2)
Tooth Artist (+6, -1)
Tooth Puller (+12, -2)
Total gut condom (+4, -2)
Touchpad trigger (+4, -2)
TP hybrid (0)
Track by track music purchases (+6)
Traffic tattler database (0)
Train detector (+1)
Train Ebola survivors as health care workers (+8, -1)
Transgendered Iraqi Politicians (+2, -3)
Transparent sun-focusing zeppelin (+5)
Transposons vs Cancer (+3)
Travel time homunculus map (+14)
Traveler nurse (+2)
Tree Booze (+8, -3)
Triclosan Tide (+1, -1)
Tromped L'Oeil Toilet B'Oeil (+2)
Tumbleweed Pants (+8, -1)
Tumbleweed trees (+2)
Tump Baby (0)
Tuned shotguns (+8)
Tuning Fork Vibrator (+13, -1)
Two-mouse computer fencing game (+9)
Ultrasonic Jello Drinking device (+4)
Ultraviolet augmented cooking (+1)
Underground Methane Farm (+3, -1)
Underwater horn (+2)
Underwater oil well fire (+2, -3)
Unusably Huge Caliber Pistol (+13)
Unused fiberoptic solar power (+6, -8)
Upside-down and backwards speedreading. (+1)
Urinary polymer (0)
Use the HB to understand Google (+1, -1)
UV penlight (0)
VacuuKettle (+1, -2)
Vacuum kernel hose ladder. (+1)
Vaporator airflow smoother (0)
Varicella vaccine causes childhood obesity (+1, -4)
Vegan Hair (+2, -3)
Vent the Atmosphere (+4, -7)
Very long golf tee (+1)
Very tall pinewood derby car (+3)
Vet Smell (0)
Vibrating miniwing (+3)
Vibrating shovel attachment (+29, -1)
Vibrating Toilet Plunger (+5)
Vibration lubrication machine (+2)
Vibration table mouse ouija (-1)
Video AI Therapist (+3)
Video sign language text translator (0)
Vinyl scratch simulator (+2)
Violet brake lights (+9)
Violet skinnies (0)
Violet Visible hand sanitizer (+1, -2)
Virtual zoo (+4, -2)
Viscoseal (0)
Vitiligo vs. Melanoma (+3)
Volcano nozzle (0)
"Vote of No Confidence" gun control. (+9, -12)
Wafflortia (+13)
Wall Waldo (0)
Warttoo (+5, -2)
Watchspring wheelchair (+2)
Water balloon parachute (+4)
Water Bottle Parachutes (+8)
Water circuit sprinkler freeze prevention (+3, -1)
Water Fireworks (+16, -1)
Water Fountain Flow Diverter (+1)
Watermelon snowcone (+4)
Wax Dredlocks (+2, -1)
Weapon uses for common items (+3)
Wedgie helmet (+2, -1)
Weight loss shopping service (+2)
Wheelchair IV rack (+3, -2)
Whistle flute (+1)
Whoopee valve (+3)
Wii mouse (+1)
Wiki Distributed Translation (+9, -2)
Wildbirth! (+2, -2)
Wile E Coyote, Buddhist (+17)
Window rolls (0)
Window to window string phone (+5)
Windshield Exhaust Diverter (+2)
Windup windmill Buddy (+3)
Word Macro Evolution Simulation (+13)
Wrist loop for sword (0)
Xenon Breathers (+5, -1)
Yin and yang paperclip (+15, -1)
Zombie chase game (+5)
Zombie computer army volunteers (+3)
Zombie deodorant (+17, -1)
Zombie Paintball (+21, -1)
Zoo Action Perfume (+10, -5)

random, halfbakery