h a l f b a k e r yThe phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.
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McAmbulance
McDonald's brand Emergency Medical Services | |
I wish I could take claim to this one. My EMT instructor came up with this idea and I added to it.
In the 1990's McDonald's had the goal to have a Mcdonald's within 4 minutes of anybody living in an urban area in the US. That is great, especially when one considers that the national standard for
EMS (Emergency Medical Services) is 8 minutes. That means you could get to a McDonalds and back before an ambulance could arrive at your house.
This is why every McDonald's should have a McAmbulance staffed with McEMTs and McMedics. As part of a social responsibility move, this could help lead to a healthier and happier society and maybe begin to curve the obesity epidemic here in the US. They should start to foot the bill or at least answer the call for all the cardiac related illnesses like congestive heart failure, diabetes, etc., that their low priced menu has started to induce. (Not that it is their fault that people are too stupid to eat healthier)
This wouldn't have to be a financial loss for them either. The costs of ambulance transports are generally covered by insurance. If they wanted to meet their goal then they could beat any other ambulance company because then they would already have locations with half the response time through out the country. They would never run out of customers either. They could sell their grease laden foods at a loss to keep their clientel going on return trips to the ED: A flawless self-generating market.
And I think: why stop there? There could be McClinics too. Just go down to McDonalds and get a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese and a McVaccine to go. Spend the whole day for a McSurgery and get a value meal on the house. Have liposuction while cramming down a platter of Big Macs. Imagine the precious moments of your child being born in the McObstetric room and getting her first happy meal. They could be called McBabies. It could be part of a planned pregnancy unit giving out prophylactics such as McCondoms or offering more permanent vasectomies. A McCastration anyone?
By the way, as far as I know- McDonalds hasn't met the goal yet. Sadly, I don't believe the EMS standard has been met yet either.
Here's why.
http://www.sonicdrivein.com/index.jsp
[sartep, Jun 29 2005]
Cult of the Hamburger
Cult_20of_20the_20Hamburger
did someone say McReligion? [Voice, May 03 2010]
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Annotation:
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The question remains -- are there more Chinese restaurants than McDs? |
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The thought of Ronald McDonald or Johnny No-stars giving me CPR forces me to bone this one. |
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Those big red shoes have to be good for something... Bun for interesting, if a bit over the top... |
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Big red shoes = defibrilator paddles? |
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I can't decide if there being a
McDonalds within four minutes of
everywhere balances out against an
ambulance being within four minutes of
everywhere ( everywhere urban that is ). |
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I will say that McDonalds has done far more to exploit the jokes made at its expense than has, oh, Michael Jackson (whose red shoes would look more appropriate sticking out from under a house). |
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$5.85 for a burger? Do me a favour. |
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Throughout most of the US they have a Dollar menu, the contents of which varies a bit from place to place, but one can usually get a double cheese burger for a dollar. |
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Hmm... by this logic, we have phones almost 1 second away from everyone. So,... why don't we have the phones themselves administer CPR and stop massive bleeding? |
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I'd rather wait another 4 minutes so that I get someone qualified. A qualified EMT is not going to be hanging around McD's getting minimum wage over grease fires. |
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The McMedics and McEMTs would be as proficient as any other licensed medical professional |
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There is, in all likelihood, a monitored felon living within shouting distance of you. If those were released after their prison OCD (Occupational Consent Decree), they would be trained and qualified to save your life. They probably weren't, though, so be sure to have the McEMS lock your door before they drive off with you. |
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McEMS: Victim looks badly hurt. Sir,
are you ok? |
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Victim: Yes...I-I'm ok...I'm holding
out...for checkers...or sonic EMS. |
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McDonalds has become one of the worlds most successful companies by being the cheapest, paying the lowest and having scant respect for their customers health or the quality of their product. And you want them to move into medicine? McDisaster. |
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McNow McLook McAt McWhat McYou've McDone McTo McMe. |
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I'm with [wagster]. Just because good ol' Ronald and the boys have become ubiquitous is no reason to hand them control of a service that would benefit from this characteristic. [-] |
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A McAmbulance rushing to perform emergency medical care on the poor obese shmoe who is now paying the price of years of "Yes, Supersize please," smacks of brilliance.
You can just smell the evil, and it smells like french fries. |
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Why not go for the complete McLifeStyle while you're at it. McMidwife, McSchool, McUniversity, McJob, McHealthCare, McReligion, McAmbulance, McHearse and McSoylentGreen.
Personally I'd prefer <McPun> more taste, less speed.</McPun> |
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A bit like 'Muji' for Non-Nippons, then [DrB]? |
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<scuttles off to find out what 'muji' is>
Yep! |
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I quite like 'McReligion'. That could be worked into an idea of some sort: easily digested faith, can be dispensed by the untrained, bright colours for the kids etc. Unfortunately I'm too tired to make anything good out of it now. |
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McReligion? That could start a Holy war to take out the infidels at Burger King. |
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This just prompted a new half baked idea (different from what I think wagster was hinting at)... |
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"Ah, yes. So you are the wife of the deceased?
..sob, yes sir...
Um, we'd like to bring up the matter of Mr. Whitman's rental of our fry grease."
What!?
Well most of it's been transformed into that spare tire of his, but we have ways of getting it back.
......uhhh....
Lady, You don't want the prices of french fries going up any time soon do you?
No, of course not." |
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Lol, I think Somebody stupidworking there might pump some grease into you or something if you loose to much blood.... |
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Now _that_ (somebody stupid works there) is a cliche! |
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Haha. Fantastic reasoning! + |
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Maybe take excess grease from the fryers and use it to create the latest batch of McImplants, for the overly flat-chested among us? |
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To the McMasectomy-mobile! |
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I don't want the Grimace trying to mouth-to-mouth resuscitate anyone. |
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I should have gone for the McMarriage option. |
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[po] There's still McVegas! |
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McMedic: I'm sorry but we're one mg short of a McVaccine. |
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very creative use of existing resources, a bun 4 u. It reminds me of a comic back in the 80's that joked about McDonalds coming out with McClothing and like 5 years later they sell them at Sears. go figure |
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