h a l f b a k e r y"Put it on a plate, son. You'll enjoy it more."
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The Equalizer
For when you've got a tiny dingle, but you need to fill a hoo-ha. | |
In serious sexual discussion, one should always use proper
genital terms. I will, instead, be using the most childish euphemisms possible.
The average length of a man's doodle, if we generalize, is
usually agreed to be ~5 inches, which also generally is the
average depth of a female's vajingo.
Certain men fall
below this average, and that is the disparity the Equalizer
seeks to address.
It resembles a strap-on dingus of slightly larger than
average length and girth, but where the base of a normal
dildo would have perhaps a set of fake jingle bells, this has
has a silicone cooter specifically fashioned to accommodate a smaller-than-average tallywhacker.
A male can enter the Equalizer and strap it onto himself,
and then go to town on his partner. The partner gets to
feel the force of a big weenie, while the male receives
simultaneous sexual stimulation from the faux fanny.
Alternately, the receiving partner can insert and then strap
the dildo to themselves in a reverse fashion, followed by
the male entering the Equalizer, if preferable.
In closing: ding-dong, puddin' pop, pork stick, twinkie,
clam, happy-hole, finger-warmer, cave of wonders.
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Feel free to speculate about my sex life, by the way. |
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Fleshrite, not so ronrey any more! |
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Ah, but it's like not thinking about pink elephants
[Bubba], it's inevitable. I actually thought about
this after my friend related a pretty unsatisfying
experience she had with an otherwise fairly nice
date. |
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[4whom] yes, it's pretty much just a
fleshlight/onahole crossed with a strap-op. The
male/female equivalent to a double-ended dildo.
I've read about people with small penises using
strap-ons before, and even positioning it so that a
women can be double-penetrated by both the real
deal and the fake snake at once, but I haven't
seen anything like the Equalizer, designed to
replicate the standard feel for sex for both parties
simultaneously without the need for possibly
undesirable anal play in male/female couples. |
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I have seen exactly this product. It exists. I'm not looking for a link. |
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Might as well put a dude with a bigger johnson between yourself and your mate. |
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That way you don't need to have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reacharound. |
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<faux Jesse Ventura> The Equalizer! Strap this on your dick and you can be a goddamned sexual tyrannosaurus. Just like me! </fJV> |
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[rcarty]‘s solution has the added advantage of working just as well in reverse, i.e. a man with a MASSIVE COCK and a woman with a tight cunt can use the services of a wee-willy’d flabbyarse inbetween. |
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^^^
I see potential for a new section on Craigslist! |
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I think I should have made and sent you some soap flaovored bubble gum there [nmf].
Silicone cooter indeed. |
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The devil of course will be in the detail of designing and manufacturing an Equalizer that is of use for couples with only minor genital disproportion. Failure to so do will result in marketability to men who (a) have small boabs and (b) are in a sexual relationship with Joan Crawford. |
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rcarty's solution is best, not just because it will stimulate growth in the service sector. |
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Speaking of the services industry. There was a program to
assist handicapped, or otherwise disadvantaged, individuals
with err gratifications. Given my altruistic bent, I
immediately signed up. I gave up after a week. Those
wheelchairs are harder to master than they look. |
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