h a l f b a k e r yOn the one hand, true. On the other hand, bollocks.
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Designed for use in low-level installations, child facilities,
workplaces and hospitals, Safety Cheese is produced using a
thermal process to ensure that, should it break, it will shatter
into small cubes incapable of causing serious injury.
Google search of "safety cheese"
https://www.mtu.edu...ese-and-safety.html
Scroll down a click. [doctorremulac3, Jan 13 2019]
[link]
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What if they were accidentally inhaled ? Someone might choke on them ! Oh, the humanity ! |
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//low level installations//? |
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If you can get that process right, it would become possible to replace the fixed glass in vehicles with cheese - a huge improvement in safety. |
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//Such cheese should be tempered, or annealed.//
//Safety Cheese is produced using a thermal process // |
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//replace the fixed glass in vehicles with cheese// I think we
could do that. Should be a bries. |
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Bring out the cheese board of puns. |
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But, equally, annealing cheese is unlikely to be effective. Our
process (and I now have to shoot you) involves heating the
cheese to just above its yield point, then chilling the exterior
rapidly using jets of compressed argon. |
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There are other steps involved, of course, but for those I'd
have to shoot you before I tell you. |
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// I now have to shoot you // |
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Ooooh ! Oooooh ! Can we do that ? Please ? Please, can we shoot [IT] ? Pleeeseee ... ppllleeeeeesess .. pretty please with knobs on ... please let us shoot him ... |
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Just as long as Safety Cheese contains less than the permitted amounts of asbestos, benzene, mercury, TCDD, nicotine, lead, cadmium, tetrodotoxin, curare*, plutonium, DDT, Charles de Gaulle** or Sarin. |
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*Entirely innocuous if swallowed, apparently. That would have been an interesting day at the lab ... "Look, the mouse is fine, see ? All you have to do is take this teaspoonful of stuff ..." |
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**Lethally toxic even at doses too low for reliable detection. |
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Mercury's OK to swallow, too. |
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// allows you to print each cow // |
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Yes, but not all printers support double-sided printing; you might accidentally put the cow back in the printer the wrong way round, and end up with upside-down printing on one side. |
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Hope you get more success than my magnetic cheese
attempt. |
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I think that's inevitable. |
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//Designed for use in low-level installations// - not quite sure what this is, but I'd guess that a
"low-level installation" is something near
floor-level. I'm not certain why working at floor level with standard cheese presents a significant danger for a professional cheese-handler. |
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Clearly, you're not a mouse. |
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Low-level installations typically require material that will not
be dangerous if accidentally kicked or fallen against. |
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//not be dangerous if accidentally kicked or fallen against// - surely a soft cheese would be more appropriate here, such as a brie, or a mild, fresh goats' cheese? |
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Entanglement issues. If you've ever had to rescue a small dog
from a Camembert, you'll know. |
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//rescue a small dog from a Camembert// - that sounds like a terrible feta |
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Experience shows that it is a practical impossibility to rescue a small Camembert from a dog (of any size). |
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// not be dangerous if accidentally kicked or fallen against. // |
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Like drunk* Glaswegians ? |
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*Non-drunk, non-confrontational unaggressive Glaswegians are presumably possible, but have never been recorded in the wild, and certainly not in captivity. |
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You'll never take us alive! |
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We sincerely hope not. Dead, drunk Glaswegians (as opposed to dead-drunk Glaswegians) are marginally safer to deal with. |
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