h a l f b a k e r yFewer ducks than estimates indicate.
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Actually four models. The basic principle is that each phone consists
of a matrix containing tiny granules which work together to achieve the
functionality of a phone - just voice calls. Well, audio anyway.
The first one is of course the phlegmphone. This is a handheld lump of
quivering mucus
which can be used to make and receive calls. One
dials numbers by coughing rhythmically at it with gaps, so for instance
"cough (pause), cough cough (pause), cough cough cough (longer
pause)" dials the number 123. Ringtone is of someone clearing their
throat. Audio compression is optimised for coughing, sneezing and
otherwise manipulating catarrh. It will not work for normal spoken
voice.
Blood phone: a lump of congealed blood. Numbers are dialled by
stabbing. Ringtone is a bloodcurdling scream and likewise the audio is
optimised for screaming.
Melancholyphone: a lump of melancholy, for instance necrotic tissue.
Dial numbers by weeping the right number of tears onto it. Ringtone
and audio are for sobbing.
Cholerphone: appears to be on fire (pixels on the surface simulate the
appearance of flames) and is almost too hot to hold. Ringtone is the
sound of an explosion. Dial numbers by shouting them at the phone
very fast. Audio optimised for angry shouting.
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Annotation:
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What I'm not getting here is a why. |
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I find the proposition that the whole of life is
pointless highly feasible, [MB]. This merely shrink
wraps the envelope of prominent pointlessness to
telephones, but those devices are merely the inner
core of a whole series of nested boxes of
pointlessness. It's pointlessness all the way down. |
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Pizza'n'beer puke for college students . . . |
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"Wait, dude, that's not the phone !!!" |
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I think the synecdoche in the title was a mistake - though, admittedly, I can't think of a better title. |
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//I find the proposition that the whole of life is
pointless highly feasible, [MB]. This merely shrink
wraps the envelope of prominent pointlessness to
telephones, but those devices are merely the inner
core of a whole series of nested boxes of
pointlessness. It's pointlessness all the way down.// |
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Well, of course life is pointless. But in the meantime
we may as well have nice phones. |
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These are nice! No accounting for taste I suppose. |
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Well, then go to it and I hope they sell well.
However, the point they seek to make is already well-
made. |
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Nice to have on Halloween, but where to store it the other 364 days of the year? Sounds like it will soon smell really bad. |
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It should start off smelling bad. Also, it's not made of a "real" humour.
The question of what counts as a real humour now springs to mind. |
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