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At this time of year 'ingestion' is the buzz word for holiday gatherings - whether its 8 metric kilos of sweets, cakes, seafood, turkey, pudding etc - or it's the small moving parts of toys that children seem fond of chewing upon.
The Mery Stomach Pump, ornately decorated in green and red with an
amusing image of each member of the nativity scene barfing in holy unison - should be kept somewhere close to the dining table or in a special case under the tree.
Grandpa's fifth mince pie has gone down the wrong way and the gasping sound is drowning out the carolling around the piano? A few quick manual pumps to bring the contents of his stomach onto the rug and you're straight back into Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer before the end of the third chorus.
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Or for 2 pots of vagina jam? |
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Sadly, I could have used this yesterday. Although I think after waking up at 5:00pm, most of Christmas Eve's "celebration" had been metabolized into nausea, pain, and a rather massive loss of brain cells. |
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Kids: stay away from Jagermeister. |
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the non metric kilo is a little known weight measurement - 'kilos' derived from the latin word for 'fishmonger's paunch' entered our vocabulary only briefly during a short spell of hot weather in December 1465. The term 'i'll have your kilo in salted haddock' did in fact refer to a pounds and ounce measurement in relation to the vendor's belly. The term was quickly dipsosed of after a series of vicious fish to upper body assaults early in 1466 - which gave rise to the commonly used term 'to find a red herring'. |
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Benfrost, you seem to have misunderstood. The nonmetric kilo was not derived from a latin word, but a French one. In the 16th century a Mr. Perri Clough, a man of remarkable girth, was selling fish at a discount determined by the difference between his current weight and his weight the previous month. Naturally this state of affairs led to some inspired attempts by fish sellers to fatten him up. Clough's weight's measure was mis-stated as "Kilough's" by someone with a bad Romainain accent and is stuck. The red herring incident was merely used to cover up Mr. Clough's death. |
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