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Whilst discovering just how much aerodynamic lift my bacon sandwich made at a beachside cafe in England in Spring (paramedics standing by for cases of frostbite, hypothermia etc) I came up with the idea of a bacon plane.
Put simply, most of the fuselage and wings are made from bacon, frozen down to
-60 degrees C, which is what temperature it's going to be in flight anyway. Instead of a tray meal, each passengers gets a loaf of (sliced) bread, and the headrest in front of them has a tray of (uncooked)bacon. By a system of rods, pulleys and air-locks the passenger is able to pass his/her piece of bacon out of the plane into the exhaust gases from the jet engines and then make their own bacon sandwich.
When the plane makes it to the destination, it is then wheeled out of the airport and becomes a big bacon sandwich shop until the wings and fuselage are consumed. The plane is then re-baconed and flown on to the next destination, The sales of the sandwiches pays for some of the fuel costs and so the tickets would be cheaper.
In the event of the plane not making it to the destination, the surviving passengers would at least have something to eat. In the event of a water landing, simply feed the bacon to the sharks/crocodiles until they die of cardiac arrest.
The cabin of the plane is decorated with bacon bas-relief of (Roger) Bacon poetry and regrettably (Francis) Bacon paintings.
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Annotation:
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I had to stop at //exhaust gas//...urgh, not too healthy.
I do like the last paragraph! |
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Jet streams of brown and tomato sauce. |
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I applaud anything with bacon in it, and am standing by bun in hand for it to cook just short of crispy. |
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Well, if we must, some kind of heat-exchanger which allows people to cook without direct exhaust fumes. Left side engines - full fat, right side engines - some kind of George Foreman grill. |
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All drop-down oxygen supplies to be fitted with a tap, clockwise for oxygen, anti-clockwise for ketchup. |
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//Jet streams of brown and tomato sauce//
That would certainly make for more exciting close formation flying for displays. |
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//idea how filthy a plane gets in flight |
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That is a good point, I'm considering a sausage skin wrapper. Without that, there wouldn't be anywhere to put the best before date and "may contain nuts" bit. |
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Dammit, forgot to mention the in-flight game of 7 degrees of separation, instant win to anyone who can prove they know (Kevin) Bacon, of course. |
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Court injunctions forbid me to even mention the Mile High Streaky Rasher Club...damn, damn, damn. |
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This idea may not be the most practical, but I've
seen none rasher. |
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I still think it's a crackling idea. |
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I can't help thinking about the affect on terrorism. Just
how many virgins do you get if you die inside a bacon
sandwich? |
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This is the most practical idea I've seen on HB (in this moment). Well Done, if you please. [+] |
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Them's fighting words around here.. |
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This post has inspired me to make a bacon grease candle. |
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//clockwise for oxygen, anti-clockwise for ketchup// |
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The candle, being rather unsolid at room temperature, is being assembled in a small jar... I still need another pound of bacon's grease to fill it. |
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One greasy bun for Ling's anno. |
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//One greasy bun for Ling's anno |
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In all fairness, shouldn't that go to Ling? I'll have it deep chilled until he or she can arrange collection it. |
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Oh wow, thanks...I'll send an ICBM in for it.
(Inter-continental...you guessed it...missile). |
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Ingenuous. Presuming the heat shield is laminate pig skin, for extra crackling, which re-entry does to a turn. |
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