h a l f b a k e r yWhy on earth would you want that many gazelles anyway?
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It struck me that Arctic explorers have several problems to deal with, low temperatures, hidden crevasses and Polar bear predation.
The obvious answer is that explorers wear pantomime horse costumes. That way they share body heat, if one of them falls into a crevasse the other one is already connected
and can drag them out, and I'm reasonably sure that no pantomime horse has ever been spotted north of the Arctic circle and so it is unlikely to figure in a Polar bear's established list of fun things to eat.
PS got bored last year and wrote up some old HB ideas into stories, movie rights still unexpectedly available. Shea linq
(?) stories
http://www.junkmailnomore.biz/stories.doc
[not_morrison_rm, Apr 04 2011]
how not to do it
http://www.youtube....watch?v=w29QxilQw8Y
[not_morrison_rm, Apr 05 2011]
Centaur sneaking into town to get a big mac
http://www.devianta...-disguise-179507382
The same, but from a different reason [not_morrison_rm, Oct 30 2014]
Heresy!!!! Pink pantomime horse Unbelievers!!!!
https://s3.yimg.com...questrian-range.jpg
Break out a fatwa [not_morrison_rm, Oct 30 2014]
The more recent adaptation of HB idea
Wireless_20energy_2...ia_20b****_20p****r
being the other way to distribute power in urban areas. [not_morrison_rm, Mar 24 2016]
[link]
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I can find no fault with this idea. |
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I can see the dramatic panout helicopter shot, showing the lonely line of pantomime horses crossing the unbroken arctic wastes. |
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There could be a dramatic scene (this would be a drama, with many dramatic scenes) where the polar bear attacks after all, ripping away the back half of the pantomime horse. All are relieved when it turned out the explorer there had already frozen to death some days prior, which serendipitously also explained the slow progress of that horse. |
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As the final volts of juice in the outpost's battery powers the vacant hiss of the radio, a faint musical score can be heard through the pops and crackles, a 1917 big band recording of "The Old Grey Mare", the scene fades on the last surviving explorer draped in the eviscerated carcass of a fallen fellow adventurer, as if a pantomime horse, and rolls credits. |
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"I am just going outside and may be equine." |
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Arctic nee artic - hurrah, that's been driving me nuts
for hours. the exploror doesn't bother me. |
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//sp. Arctic//
Is that better? |
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//"I am just going outside and may be equine."//
That's so bad..but maybe I'm just one of those neigh-sayers? |
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Please can you confirm that this has nothing at all to
do with The Human Centipede which I happened to
mistakenly watch for all of 2 minutes last night before
safely getting back to QI. |
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Scott's much-maligned choce of ponies as draft animals is
vindicated by this idea. (No polar bears down there, but
those penguins can be pretty vicious. Break a man's arm,
they can.) |
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One could dress as polar bears themselves rather than ponies. Large enough fake bears in a pack should ward off any interested single bears, unless it wants to join the pack. I think the only thing that would take on a pack of polar bears is the Rumplemintze Valkyrie. |
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Rumple Minze and I vote for the Valkyrie costume. |
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A polar bear will try to get food out of anything that isn't snow and some things that are. a "horse" is perfectly good food to a polar bear. |
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Seems quite sensible to me - I'm feeding it this croissant. + |
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//Scott's much-maligned choce of ponies as draft animals// |
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so, maybe they weren't ponies after all... |
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//One could dress as polar bears// |
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..as the explorers in the pantomime horse outfit flee from the explorer in the bear suit who only wanted to get a light from his cigarette. |
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//A polar bear will try to get food out of anything //
if you take a look at the /how not to do it link/, it's interesting that the lioness (?) gets completely spooked and just runs off with part of the costume..so it might have some effect. |
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And, a self funding project as sell footage to the BBC wildlife channel... |
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If the Top Gear team can drive to the North Pole then it strikes me that exploring has become far too easy. I feel that this idea is an admirable attempt to address the problem. In entertainment terms, it would be better if we could be more definite about the polar bear issue. Perhaps some part of the pantomime horse could be smeared in seal grease (either with or without the explorer's permission). |
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dressing as a polar bear would only work if the outfit was huge and the explorers inside were willing to put up a commensurate fight. polar bears are territorial hunters and will attack fiercely any bear that wanders into their territory. The bear is either going to get a meal or a very convincing sexing or, in some cases both. |
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//Rumplemintze Valkyrie// Why is is that no one ever draws Iorek Byrnison like he is in the books? And that Lyra, she should dress a bit warmer, catch 'er death, she will.. |
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I'm thinking this might help when the polar bears notice the slight connection between less and less habitat and more and more of them two-legged things wandering around. That way the pantomime horses get take the rap and we can go "naah, not us mate". |
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was the title always like that ? |
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I've been meaning to explore the attic for some time now. |
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I think combining this idea with the sky-diving sex could really be good! [+] Sky-diving, sex-having, pantomime horse costume explorers!! |
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To fend off bears, perhaps the horse could get bigger (an inflatable costume...) in response to threats. On the otherhand, this might not help with the sexing from more modern but very lonely bears. |
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<theatrical trailer><voice over>"They were six best friends from theatre school." *shot of them practicing pantomime horse in class* "With everything in the world going for them" *shot of them drinking and laughing at the bar with women* "who were about to go on the adventure of their lives that they never would have expected" *shot of five them lounging around on a Sunday and one enters with a treasure map* "With no formal training in Arctic expeditions they set out with the only things they had, and the only thing they knew" * //dramatic panout helicopter shot, showing the lonely line of pantomime horses crossing the unbroken arctic wastes.//*...</tt></vo> |
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//was the title always like that// |
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No, I was just wondering if I could get as far as Antic Exploders (by changing one letter a day) without anyone noticing. |
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New idea there, but I'll not post it =) |
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//New idea there, but I'll not post it // |
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Parallel development, centaur sneaking into town. Link. And girlie pink version...(vomits into sickbag).. |
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I'm going to offer my services as a category consultant. I'll set up a Patreon account, and you can have me 24/7 for a monthly fee or office hours on a pay per basis. |
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/Break out a fatwa /
I think one more properly "busts out" a fatwa. |
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I was laughing at rcarty's theatrical trailer up there. And look how comprehensible he was in 2011! |
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Hey! HEY! What happened to the (?) stories promised in that link? Posted on some flybynight website? Stick them right here, I say. HB is rock solid as websites go. |
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I lost them, but on the other hand one derived more
recently (see linky) turn up as
Sherlock Holmesish "The Case of the Etheric Engineers"
which went
nowhere on Kindle. |
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Not to worry I am planning to start on another Sherlock
Holmes one, with a plot device of which I cannot speak at
this point...probably
take 6 months and only of interest to your humble narrator. |
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Very sensible - but would substitute "centipede costume" for "pantomime horse costumes", for all of the obvious reasons. |
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