Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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soup timer

 a timer for your soup so that you never again have to eat it too fast or too slow.
 
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a great deal of the world’s problems is caused by people rushing their soup and getting indigestion or by eating it too slowly, making you late for whatever and thus getting into all sorts of trouble.

with this neat little timer, it measures exactly the rate of soup you need to consume, so that your meal finishes on time – just keep up with the drops as they keep coming.

before your meal you just input how much time you want to devote to the meal – move the dial to the correct setting and this opens the central aperture to the correct bore necessary to drip your soup into your bowl at the correct flow. some soups drip faster than others – your bog standard french onion or tomato flows faster than your thick scotch broth. soup science has moved on apace, you would be surprised.

it resembles the classical egg-timer shape (only bigger obviously) with a cork bung in either end at the extreme tip of each globe and an expandable waist. you pour the hot soup in the top globe and bung it up. open bore at centre and remove bottom bung when you wish to commence eating / no, don’t wait; it has started without you.

—po, May 17 2003

will it work for chunky soup? http://www.chunky.com/click_for_cans.asp
[ato_de, Oct 05 2004]

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       search the site for farmerjohn, make or break for [kwailo]
—po, May 17 2003
   

       "a great deal of the world’s problems is caused by people rushing their soup..."
Indeed. Everyone knows the Cold War started over a bit of quickly-eaten cream of celery.
—phoenix, May 17 2003
   

       That's true. What was a quickly consumed soup was supposed to have been used as a topping for a salmon bake. All hell frozen over broke lose after that.
—thumbwax, May 17 2003
   

       [kwailo78]: Capital punishment == spanking your money?
—bristolz, May 17 2003
   

       bris?
—po, May 17 2003
   

       Would it factor in time to let the soup cool? I'd buy it if I never burnt my tongue again.
—calculust, May 17 2003
   

       This would generate digestive problems on the mexican population, since lots of our main dishes are soups (thick, consistent and hard to chew... yet delicious!). I wonder how fast this soup timer would make us eat our whole meal.
—Pericles, May 17 2003
   

       I like my soup to be chunky, how will this device work for me?
—ato_de, May 17 2003
   

       e.e.cummings loves you, [po]. And I'm pretty sure he would have approved of [bristolz] "sovereign state/capital punishment/spanking money " triple pun. Croissant for the pun of it.
—jurist, May 17 2003
   

       mebbe!   

       (once like a spark)   

       if strangers meet
life begins-
not poor not rich
(only aware)
kind neither
nor cruel
(only complete)
i not not you
not possible;
only truthful
-truthfully,once
if strangers(who
deep our most are
selves)touch:
forever		   

       (and so to dark)   

       thanks for the re-introduction - [jurist]
—po, May 18 2003
   

       I like Prime Evil Soup. Answer the Chunky Soup Question - Damn it.
—The Kat, May 18 2003
   

       Doesn't the rain have such small fingers?   

       tickles the world into fresh, melodious life.
A soft sheen of water, which even the slightest of surfaces wants to shrug off, but;
everything solid and serious must still submit to the subtle kiss of the rain.
Leaves nod their heads. Trees flex and twist their branches in the wind
luxuriating in the movement the inclement weather has lent them.
Skyscrapers wring their stiff, concrete tears out through their guttering.
And on the thirtieth floor
despite the day,
An old lady opens her window.
   

       The soft rain falls like delicate laughter upon the world.
—dustmonkey, May 18 2003
   

       Sorry. Blame po for that last outburst. Or the fact that I've just got back from the pub and am not quite in my right mind...   

       And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my hectic schedule of falling over and slurring my speech somewhat.
—dustmonkey, May 18 2003
   

       <quietly covers [dustmonkey] with a blanket] I'll speak to YOU in the morning.
—po, May 19 2003
   

       You could implement this by having an Archimedes Screw that delivers soup to your mouth at a known speed. This would allow it to do accurate soup volume calculations and even handle lump soup.   

       Arrgh, just re-read the idea and it was an Archimedes Screw!
—Aristotle, May 19 2003
   

       the "Archimedes Screw" has put this well on the track to half-bakedness and garners a bun for dipping...   

       WHAT? NO DIPPING? Hmmmmm.
—ato_de, May 19 2003
   


 

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