Essential multifunction device for the modern world with appealing
design and simple interface. The SumTater is a cape for everyday
wear that comes in a wide variety of styles and fabrics. What sets
this cape apart from your common posterior facing garments is a
digital counter embedded in the
fabric.
In the most basic version of this product, the counter will display the
total number of potatoes (taters) in a 2-foot radius of the attached
sensor module hidden between the fabric of the cape and your back.
Some have asked how this was not created sooner with it’s great
versatility and value to the common man (or woman, SumTater does
not discriminate except between potatoes for the purpose of
counting). Say, for example, you are at a party with a known number
of guests where an unknown number of potatoes are served with the
meal. With the SumTater and some simple division, the person
behind you in line could determine if it would be inappropriate to
take more than one potato on the first pass though the buffet.
A more practical use case could be in situations similar to the potato
famine where slower moving individuals could take advantage of
their faster walking neighbors to detects the number of potatoes in a
given location.
There have been few credible studies on the incidence of cancer in
potato farmers. If exposure to potatoes is found to increase cancer,
then the SumTater would become as indispensable an instrument as
the Geiger counter.
Admittedly, the SumTater, in its most basic version, would come
short in defending against deadly potato cannon assaults. The two
foot radius would only provide ample warning for the nimblest and
most alert of individuals positioned behind the wearer. This is the
reason the SumTater has several signal boosting enhancements
available.
Each booster provides an exponential increase in detection radius,
and the charge would be a moderate fee used to cover development
and production costs without unseemly profiteering off of potential
potato projectile victims. The SumTater is primarily a product for
the public good after all. Ten boosters would provide a 1024’ visual
alarm radius for people behind the wearer at all times.
It has not escaped the notice of the SumTater producers that many
of the benefits of the device (aside from the excellent fashion
statement) are not available to the wearer. For this reason the
SumTater-Vision app will be available for common smartphone
platforms. This will connect to a rear facing button camera pointed
at a strategically placed mirror which will allow the wearer to get an
HD stream of a mirror image to their phone of the SumTater counter
at any time as long as they are connected to the internet. The video
is sent directly to the SumTater data center (with the TeraTater
program a terabyte of video is saved for your person historical
potato tracking) to ensure the security of the data and quality of the
image.
Many have asked about some of the most common challenges faced
by the SumTater counter. How will it handle (insert food consisting of
incomplete pieces of potato here (e.g. hash browns, French fries,
potato chips, latkes, etc.))? The SumTater comes will a three
position selector switch which allows the user to determine how
these are interpreted. The default setting is of course to count the
arpu (average russet potato unit) equivalent of the food. One arpu is
defined as 5.3 oz of potato material. Another option available is to
count the number of distinct pieces that exist. The final setting is to
count the number of distinct potatoes that are present regardless of
the percentage of the potato that was used (the detector will not
register pieces smaller than 0.01% of a potato).
I know what you’re concerned about now. How can the SumTater
limit itself to just counting potatoes when there are so many more
foods that create other life threatening situations? Fear not. The
SumTater proprietary TaterSense sensor is swappable for other
SumTater made detectors. Currently available models are the
SumMater, SumNuts, and SumTotal for tomatoes, nuts, and all three
combined. How can the SumTater keep track of the total for all
those things at once, you say? The 13 digit display can keep up to
nearly 10 trillion items on the counter.
SumTater, saving the worlds population from uncertainty in regards
to the number of potatoes within a given radius of the person
immediately in front of you one cape at a time.