h a l f b a k e r yThis ain't rocket surgery.
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Talking of hijacking, I have met a sky marshal. He is a fat ex-squaddie with a personality malfunction and absecesses under his arms. Every year he takes three weeks holiday from his job punching people in the name of night-club security, flies to the US, is given a gun - an actual gun - and is paid to sit in first class on internal US flights, to "protect passengers". This is a man whose corpulence prevents him walking up the economy class aisle at any pace faster a clogged drain. |
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People's Front of Judea! (I thought we were the Popular Front) <PEOPLE's Front!> |
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"In the unlikely event of a hijacking, the hijacking kit will drop down from the panel above your head..." |
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Hijacking kits can drop down in several forms (hijabs, hamulkas, fezes, cowboy hats, nuns habits, darth vader helmets... ) When the hijackers come back to check what's going on, they suddenly find a plane full of adherents to their particular brand of delusion! Quandry! |
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HJ2 & 3:Well, we want to go to London. Our baggage got sent to the wrong place |
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HJ3:Could we stop off at... |
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Of course, budget airlines would only be able to afford the hijacking kits being discarded by the top airlines. If you fly with BA you'll get up-to-the-minute Islamic extremist hijack kits; If you fly EasyJet they'll probably be Baader-Meinhof gang or Symbionese Liberation Army or something. |
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{Envy}Think of the frequent flier benefits they'd get! |
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"No, Mr. Al-Quaida, YOU are now
hostage to the Revolutionary Halfbakery
Inventors Brigade." |
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This is great! One potential problem that might need to be addressed is that the actual passengers might mistakenly try to take out some of the fake hijackers. |
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If I volunteer for this service I don't want to be stabbed in the chest with a pen by some well-meaning citizen out to be a hero. |
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All your Hijackers are belonging to us? |
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Even more effective when the pilots come over the PA, announcing in (prerecorded) Arabic that they have commandeered the plane in the name of Allah. |
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I'm sorry [ldischler], that's offensive. |
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Why? Aren't the (presumably Arabic) hijackers doing the same? |
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"I'm a hi-jacker, and so's my wife!" |
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//Even more effective when the pilots come over the PA, announcing in (prerecorded) Arabic that they have commandeered the plane in the name of Allah.//
Hmmm, perhaps all pilots should be trained as Imam's too? |
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