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Spamku
Spam is horrendous./ If we have to live with it,/make it more pleasant. | |
I loathe spam. I loathe the fact that
spam
clogs up the internet, and I loathe the
fact
that it clogs up my inbox, and I loathe
the
fact that I have to wade through and
delete
all the items that have slipped through
my
filters.
Worse yet, though, are the spams that I
have to
open and read in case they are
not
spam. If the subject is, say, "The pdf you
requested." or "Meeting date changed" or
"Enlarge your ()rgan", clearly I have no
choice but to see if they are bona fide or
not.
Almost invariably, the content is
disappointing and I feel I have been
robbed of three seconds of my life.
So.
I propose that we bring together a
distributed team of Ninja Spamku artists.
Their job will, paradoxically, be to send
spam email as widely as possible, but in
the form of pithy haiku. Inevitably, some
of this spamku will make it through both
electronic and human filters, and be read
by the recipients. But, instead of some
ill-
mannered, ill-spelled advertisement,
they
will be rewarded with something along
the
lines of:
Your penis too small?
Latest herbal remedy!
Gain extra inches.
or maybe
Your number was chosen!
You have won untold fortunes.
Send details to claim.
To begin with, spamku will simply add to
the global spam burden, but will at least
afford the occassional moment of reward
to the spammee.
Over time, however, traditional
spammers
will realize that spamku is more likely
than
regular spam to get its message across,
and has a higher hit rate.
Quickly, the legions of spammers will
adopt the spamku strategy, sending
bona
fide spam (so to speak) in elegant,
carefully-crafted 5/7/5 spamku form.
Gradually, spam will cease to be purely a
graffiti-like plague on the internet, and
will instead become a commercial art
form, with spamku artists striving for
ever
greater perfection in the combination of
syllabic structure with slick marketing.
I have this theory
Even junk can be pretty
Bring on the spamku.
Haiku Spam
http://haikuspam.wordpress.com/ (Not to be confused with Spam Haiku, collected Haiku about spam.) [jutta, May 22 2008]
Spam Haiku
http://bertc.com/spamhaik.htm Not to be confused with Haiku Spam... :) [phundug, May 29 2008]
[link]
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My first spamku! Heck, my first anythingku... |
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beats your spam ninja in spring |
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The Cherry Tree Blooms Our Heuristic Algorithms Defeat Your Efforts
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Nigerian prince
Needs you to unlock his wealth
Riches can be yours. |
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Gottaexistatron
Ringing with Spam and Haiku
Well-worn themes. Yours broke? |
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Deeply indebted.
Jutta's link was surprising.
Who would have thought it? |
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Is Jutta a person or a program? |
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Jutta a program?!
All that you see around you
Was built by Jutta. |
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If I wanted to worship Jutta, which I do, would I refer to her as a humanoid or a .exe? |
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Nevermind. I have found people who enjoy my hairbrainery and I am quite happy about it. |
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On cold day in Hell
Baked idea from the great
MaxwellBuchanan |
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Baconbrain's right.
Widely known to exist?
Marked for deletion? |
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Those blossoms don't spread
Prior art does not inspire
All spam to Haiku. |
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Spamfilters read syllabic structures |
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5/7/5 structures are blocked |
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spam turns back to shite. |
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So your idea
Is to add more spam to spam
But with shit poems? |
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No, I'm suggesting
Darwinian selection-
Selective breeding. |
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Selective Breeding
Is Not Darwin; His Message, "Adapt or Die". |
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That's true. However
Artificial selection
Apes evolution. |
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"Haiku!", you exclaim.
Being a polite person,
I say "Gesundheit". |
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"Apes evolution."
MaxwellBuchanan again.
Marked for a tagline. |
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Selective breeding is not evolution. |
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No new genetic material added, |
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Just unwanted genes discarded. |
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True evolution would require the creation of something new. Can anyone please point some true evolution out to me. Every example of evolution in every textbook I've ever seen has only been examples of the removal of already existing genetic material. |
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[Ozone] May Be Right
But His Annotation
Is Not A Haiku
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Sorry, I only do Vogon poetry |
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drudgery of spam crafting- |
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Ozone, you are wrong.
Fingers, bones, teeth, wings, eyes...
What more do you want? |
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Selective breeding
Is no different except in
Who chooses what lives. |
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A Blade Runner Once
Said, "Too Bad She Won't Live, But
Then Again, Who Does ?"
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If spam should evolve
I wonder when it will change
To be self aware |
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Genes have become differentiated after being generally more shared, which is why we have so many in common with fruit flies. So...ozone's "new" just means recombined. |
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Poems in a box
In my humble opinion
Make spam even worse |
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//So...ozone's "new" just means
recombined.// Well, (and, I have to
confess, this has drifted further from
the original topic than first expected)
that's half true. |
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Genes tend to get duplicated and, over
time, the "spare" copies get lost,
become dysfunctional or become
modified to perform new tasks.
Sometimes, parts of genes get shuffled,
and you wind up with a completely
novel protein. |
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What is probably true is that you could
make a perfectly good human with
mostly genes from a frog, or an
adequate worm with genes from a fly -
most of the important differences are in
the control and timing of gene
expression, and differences between
the genes themselves are in most cases
incidental. |
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However, once you appreciate that a
gene includes the regulatory elements,
that statement ceases to be as simple. |
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In a sense, of course, no gene is new.
However, if you trace (say) actin back
far enough, you'll eventually get to a
point where the ancestral gene is so
different that it would no longer be
recognised as actin. |
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Anyway, don't get me started on
molecular genetics, genomics and
evolution. Oh, wait, you did. |
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// don't get me started on molecular genetics, genomics and evolution // |
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Go on, you know you want to .... |
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MB, thats not haiku, shirley? did I vote, |
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I like the idea but apparently it's baked.. |
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Oh well. I suppose/
all good things come to an end./
It's time to move on./ |
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Although I must say/
the annotations here are/
very amusing./ |
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I'm just about to/
exhaust my small Haiku-ing/
capabilities./ |
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But not yet! In truth,/
it's actually kind of/
a fun diversion./ |
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But really, I should/
be going, as I haven't/
anything to say. |
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Wonderful watches!
you: favorite customer!
Might even fool the naive! |
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Found another type of spam haiku... (see link) |
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Link appreciated, phundug. |
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I'd considered re-writing the Monty
Python song in Haiku format, but I only
got as far as: |
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Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam,
Spam
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and couldn't think of a closing line. |
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