Spamku

I loathe spam. I loathe the fact that spam clogs up the internet, and I loathe the fact that it clogs up my inbox, and I loathe the fact that I have to wade through and delete all the items that have slipped through my filters.

Worse yet, though, are the spams that I have to open and read in case they are not spam. If the subject is, say, "The pdf you requested." or "Meeting date changed" or "Enlarge your ()rgan", clearly I have no choice but to see if they are bona fide or not.

Almost invariably, the content is disappointing and I feel I have been robbed of three seconds of my life.

So.

I propose that we bring together a distributed team of Ninja Spamku artists. Their job will, paradoxically, be to send spam email as widely as possible, but in the form of pithy haiku. Inevitably, some of this spamku will make it through both electronic and human filters, and be read by the recipients. But, instead of some ill- mannered, ill-spelled advertisement, they will be rewarded with something along the lines of:

Your penis too small?
Latest herbal remedy!
Gain extra inches.

or maybe

Your number was chosen!
You have won untold fortunes.
Send details to claim.

To begin with, spamku will simply add to the global spam burden, but will at least afford the occassional moment of reward to the spammee.

Over time, however, traditional spammers will realize that spamku is more likely than regular spam to get its message across, and has a higher hit rate.

Quickly, the legions of spammers will adopt the spamku strategy, sending bona fide spam (so to speak) in elegant, carefully-crafted 5/7/5 spamku form.

Gradually, spam will cease to be purely a graffiti-like plague on the internet, and will instead become a commercial art form, with spamku artists striving for ever greater perfection in the combination of syllabic structure with slick marketing.

I have this theory
Even junk can be pretty
Bring on the spamku.