The inspiration for this one is those neat little bombs the Green Goblin used to cover his exit: fly in, mess with a few heads, and then fly off before things get too heated, exit covered by a small charge with lots of smoke and light. They're a generic villain tool I know, but with the laugh and the
jet surfboard, he did it best.
Plus I love the name "Pumpkin Bomb".
Anyway, the idea. Consider the following scenario:
"Congratulations, you must be so excited! So when's it due?"
"I am NOT pregnant."
[Writhes in abject horror. Desperate brain engages Hyperstupidity(TM) in vain effort to recover situation.]
"Ah, yes, of course. Well you see, most women I know are slim so when I saw you looking...so...fat....."
Earthquake! Lightning strike! Monkey attack! Anything to smash this awful moment and scatter it to the four winds.
Enter the Social Pumpkin Bomb and rewind.
"Congratulations, you must be so excited! So when's it due?"
"I am NOT pregnant."
"Ah, yes...well, they do say curves are in..."
[Reaches into back pocket and discreetly but firmly thumbs large red button on phone.]
Within seconds an operator at the SPB control centre responds to the distress signal with one of several pre-arranged scenarios.
[Phone rings]
"I'm so sorry, Rosie, excuse me just a moment - hello?"
[Listens intently, look of concern gradually creeping over face in Oscar-worthy emotional transition]
"My mother?What, she...no! No, I will NOT pay her bail this time, she's got to learn!"
[Walks off, continuing tirade. The moment is broken.]
Rosie still wants me dead, but it's less awkward.
This solution would be deployable in response to a wide range of gaffes, and you could customise your list of scenarios so as to elicit convincing performances. eg.
1. Mother needs bail.
2. Mr Tiddles dead.
3. Sister climbed into tumbledryer for bet. Won bet, needs rescuing.
Now I just need to perfect the Goblin laugh...
[Flys off on jetboard, shrieking maniacally.]