Royal Skill-Training Institute

As an American transplant to Canada, I've always been baffled by people's preoccupation with royalty. I mean, royals are nice---most of them, at least---but what exactly is it they, um, you know... do? They turn up in public places, wave, shake hands, make small talk... Despite the adulation, it can't be much of a life. They must feel terribly trivial, albeit in a grandiose way. That's why I think we should start a discreet little place called the Royal Skill-Training Institute, where royalty could learn a couple of actual, tangible skills. Nothing very demanding: A bit of juggling. Artistic napkin-folding. Some balloon art. Pet caricatures. Bird calls. Scalp massage. Maybe a little tap-dancing. Things that can be done almost anywhere, with a minimum of equipment. And you know, once royals started learning how to actual do something, I think we'd see a big drop in all that tabloid-grabbing flakiness. I mean, they're only human. If I couldn't do anything, I'd act dysfunctionally, too.