Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Primary Soup Machine

 Makes any soup
 
(0) 		  [vote for,
against]

Painters can mix any color from a small number of primary colors. Surely there must be primary soups. If there are, I propose a machine that dispenses and mixes primary soups in user-specified proportions.

The front panel of the machine lists codes for different soups and the ratio of each primary soup, for instance, “Minestrone – 34:64:2:0:99:8.” You can also invent new soups. Just put 50¢ in the coin slot, put a bowl under the nozzle and type in the numbers.

—AO, Apr 17 2003

[link]






       Heh. I like it.   

       Select soup type:
Bouillabaisse [ ]
Chowder/Chowdah! [ ]
Clear [ ]
Bisque/Cream [ ]
Gazpacho [ ] (served cold)
Gumbo [ ]
Stock [X]
Tomato base [ ]
   

       Select and mix stock(s):
Beef 0% - - - - - - - - 100%
Chicken 0% - - - - - - - - 100%
Fish 0% - - - - - - - - 100%
Vegetable 0% - - - - - - - - 100%
Total: [nnn%] (Must equal 100%)		   

       Stock concentration:
Clear 0% - - - - - - - - 100% Espresso
   

       Grains  Yes [X] No [ ]
Select and mix grains:
Barley 0% - - - - - - - - 100%
Rice 0% - - - - - - - - 100%
Total: [nnn%] (Must equal 100%)		   

       Meat? Yes [X] No [ ]
Select and mix meat(s):
Beef 0% - - - - - - - - 100%
Chicken 0% - - - - - - - - 100%
Ostrich 0% - - - - - - - - 100%
Pork 0% - - - - - - - - 100%
Turkey  0% - - - - - - - - 100%
Total: [nnn%] (Must equal 100%)		   

       Noodles?  Yes [X] No [ ]
Select and mix noodles:
Alphabet 0% - - - - - - - - 100%
Curly 0% - - - - - - - - 100%
Flat 0% - - - - - - - - 100%
Orzo 0% - - - - - - - - 100%
Stars 0% - - - - - - - - 100%
Total: [nnn%] (Must equal 100%)		   

       and so on . . .
—bristolz, Apr 17 2003
   

       Hmm. Suppose you have creamy, brothy, veggie and meaty represented by North, South, East and West. You could enter degrees, minutes and seconds of latitude and longitude, or better yet simply make an indication on a grid to represent how much of each quality you want in your soup.   

       If you want a flavor option for your soup, though, (say, "tomato") you might have to negotiate a thoroughly baffling set of advanced theoretical physics equations.
—snarfyguy, Apr 17 2003
   

       Hah. Good luck cracking the Chowder Matrix.
—notme, Apr 17 2003
   

       Dispenser dejour, every bachelor should have one.   

       Sorry, but the thought of buying anything that comes through a public nozzle... *erk*.   

       And don't get me started on the clams...
—phoenix, Apr 17 2003
   

       The elusive *erk*
—bristolz, Apr 17 2003
   

       I ain't gonna vote for this until bris changes the selection to include oysters, clams, crabs, crawfish and other seafoods under the meat category, otherwise how'm I gonna get my chowder, know what I mean? And spices, et cetera, as in where do I dial in Louyoisianna?

And besides, it ain't like your colors has to add up to 100%. Stock maybe, but you can have more or less than 100% totals of the grains, meat, noodles, am I right? A big thank ye kindly to bris for the explication, though.
—roby, Apr 17 2003
   

       Yeah, I'll give this a bit o' bread (for dunking in the soup) because I can still recall the runny, insipid concoction the vending machines spurted out when I selected the "soup" button back in the olden days while I was attending one of our famous institutes of higher education. Many a late night's hunger had the edge taken off with that tasteless mixture.   

       Nicely done, bris, but where's the [ ] Cold [ ] Hot selection for those seeking a little Vichyssoise on a warm summer's day? ( And where's the "duck" selection in case I need a shot of Marx Brothers?)   

       I almost forgot - you say this soup will be dispensed into a bowl. Who provides that? And will we have to supply our own spoon? This is important because my Swiss Army Knife has no spoon on it nor does it have a bowl attached.
—Canuck, Apr 18 2003
   

       [roby] the menu system I show is dynamic; you would get your chowder choices only if you selected the "chowder" as a soup type at the outset. The sample here depicts the possibilities for a "broth" type soup.   

       Vichyssoise would appear as a stock selection only after one had selected the "bisque/cream" soup type.
—bristolz, Apr 18 2003
   

       You can write about chowder all you want, but I really hope it's being pronounced the one and only true way; "Chowda!" Incorporate that into your invention's name and it'll punch up the panache a little. I'll have some bisque chowda.
—ty6, Apr 18 2003
   

       You get the bowl from the bowl machine. It’s a potter’s wheel behind a glass window. When you put 75¢ in, a lump of clay plops onto the wheel and starts spinning. You use a joy stick to manipulate a mechanical arm to shape the clay (any shape you want). Then a hose pops out and sprays it with glaze. Then the interior of the machine heats up to 1000º.   

       When it’s done, you slide open the window and take out your new bowl, ready to be filled with raccoon chowda.   

       (Spoons come from the spoon machine, of course.)
—AO, Apr 18 2003
   

       Pantone Process Soup?
—Cedar Park, Apr 18 2003
   

       Where's the Gumbo? Gotta have Gumbo.
—thumbwax, Apr 18 2003
   

       Opens up a whole new potential for 'Espresso Soup.' Twice the spices, half the water. Starbucks, watch out.
—RayfordSteele, Apr 18 2003
   

       ...and if you shake the machine, pound on the buttons, or otherwise violate the "tilt" rules, it shouts "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!"
—Don Quixote, Apr 20 2003
   

       "tilt"? thats easy for *you* to say.
—po, Apr 20 2003
   

       Shirley you joust.
—Don Quixote, Apr 20 2003
   

       Yum! After the big bang has cooled sufficiently, eat the Cosmos! Dee-lish!
—snarfyguy, Apr 20 2003
   

       Annotagiarist.
—bristolz, Apr 20 2003
   

       Fustiplatitudinist.
—bristolz, Apr 21 2003
   

       [snarfyguy] w/r/t your latitude/ longitude metaphor, the logical extension is that every point of earth would have a corresponding soup combination. i.e. "new york" would become synonymous with x% creamy, x% brothy, x% veggie and x% meaty soup.   

       order soup by city name!   

       i love it.
—urbanmatador, Apr 21 2003
   

       Don’t order the soup from São Tomé; it’s a very weak vegetable broth with just the slightest hint of cream.
—AO, Apr 21 2003
   

       This is a brilliant idea, I would like one for home and office, I already do something similar to this with coffee via different blends, eyeballing, and a french press.   

       my only suggestion is the addition of an "Overall Consistency" control which would have to be somehow related to or affected by other controls   

       Stock concentration: Clear 0% - - - - - - - - 100% Espresso   

       Overall Consistency : Water 0% - - - - - - - - 100% Thick mud
—fdr, Apr 21 2003
   

       [urbanmatador]: that's an interesting extension, especially in light of real world geographical culinary differences. To get the optimum precision makeup of your soup, then, the machine may need to be the size of the world, and may, in fact, *be* the world.   

       I feel like having the lobster bisque from George's Restaurant, Bar Harbor, Maine. See you in a few days.
—snarfyguy, Apr 21 2003
   

       expiative lex talionist
—bristolz, Apr 21 2003
   

       well played, [snarfyguy], well played.
—urbanmatador, Apr 22 2003
   
      
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