h a l f b a k e r yMake mine a double.
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[names changed to protect the innocent]
Hon and Jazel were enjoying a splendid
night out at the Master Baker's Ball.
Whilst in the throes of socialising, Hon
suddenly felt a sharp, dagger-like pain in
his chest. It ripped at his heart - Hon,
from his previous career as a cardiac
specialist,
recognised the signs of a
cardiac infarction. "Shite arse, a heart
attack" yellopped Jazel!
But Hon was calm. Strangely calm. (not
dead mind you, that'd be a rubbish story)
Hon was wearing a special tuxedo - a
new defilbrillating dinner jacket, a heart-
shaking suit to kick start his organ. The
in-sleeve heart monitor picked up the
irregularities in his blood pumper,
diagnosed cardiac arrest and the in-lapel
heart voltage source kicked into action.
"Stand clear", sounded the in-collar
loudspeaker warning system.
... and with a enormous shock from the
in-tail battery source, Hon's heart was
back in order, in time for canapes and
speeches.
LifeCor LifeVest
http://www.lifecor.com/
Pretty much baked: wearable defibrillartor [Acme, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
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there is an effort in the States to put defibrilators in every restaurant, and other public places, I believe -- can't find a link right away... |
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//a ... shaking suit to kick start his organ.//
After dinner bedroom utility as well! |
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Can I have one for in the mornings? |
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(R S) maybe Howsur Sternum? |
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It makes sense that being aware of a potentially life-threatening health issue, one should be prepared 24/7. With asthma I keep inhalers and required treatment elements readily available, as diabetics would stay prepared. I'm wondering though about the requisite items built into a D J... is this choice with alternatives or options? I mean, is it available as say, for under shirts or in women's wardrobe items also? Like something you could affix to different or new items for daily wear.. Heck just the in-sleeve monitor would enable some people to engage in and enjoy life more. |
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Could be hilarious to watch/seriously life threatening if it went off accidentally, depending on your disposition... atrial fibrillation, anyone? |
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Listening to this anecdote, I can't get the lyrics for Elton John's "Someone Saved My life Tonight" out of my ear, and wonder if there isn't more than a passing similarity to Hon and Jazel in the story telling. Ah, butterflies. |
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Also available: the optional Heimlich maneuver accessory. |
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That would be disasterous if it went wrong, [bris]. |
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Don't know if I'd like to have a DJ with the weight of all the batteries that are required. |
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If you're wearing it in a restaurant you could probably have a mains version which plugs into the socket nearest your table. You'd just need to be slightly careful when going to the loo. |
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"Hon's having another heart attack! Someone get an extesion cord." |
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Last night a D.J. saved my life |
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Last night a D.J. saved my life
yeah |
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'cause I was sittin' there bored to death
And in just one breath he said: You gotta get up |
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You gotta get off
you gotta get down
girl.
You know
you drive me crazy
baby |
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You've got me turning to another man.
Called you on the phone
no one's home -
And if it wasn't for the music
I don't know what I do.
Last night a D.J. saved my life |
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Last night a D.T. saved my life
from a broken heart.
Last night a D.J. saved my life |
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Start up the DJ, and all the lights dim everywhere else. Very romantic. |
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"Would sir like the optional MMR scanner attachment?" |
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this is just a pun isn't it? |
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What if you spill something on it? And is Hon even a male name? Why do I ask stupid questions? Do you think my ass is getting bigger? |
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//this is just a pun isn't it?// It's a baked pun at that, I may have to complain to a moderator... |
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// What if you spill something on it? And is Hon even a male name? Why do I ask stupid questions? Do you think my ass is getting bigger? // |
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It gets wet. No it's not. I have no idea. Yep, without doubt. |
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[wagster] I'm writing a note to myself now to complain. This is an outrage. |
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