Indy Jonas and the Modern Day Underpants of Doom

Indy **will face some formidable and fiendish foes, big bad boulders, fearsome flak, and sssssneaky sssslimy ssssnakes as he boldly battles anthropological adversaries!

He **will save himself a lot of grief by wearing specially designed Underpants of Doom. These space-age undergarments are normally hidden by his outer clothing; but at the first sign of trouble by the hazard detection radar (on at all times) his pants will descend and the Underpants of Doom will take over!

Each custom fitted pair is designed with discreetly hidden Patriot Laser Weapons in the waistband, guaranteed to destroy (most of) the poison darts fired by head-hunting pygmies in dark and foreboding forests.

In the event he faces certain death by giant rolling boulders or machine gun fire, he can rest assured the Kevlar lining will remain virtually untouched.

Should he find himself at deaths door on the burning sands of a seemingly endless desert, pouches of specially formulated nutritious, high protein, high fat custard neatly tucked into the front fly area will provide sustenance to both he and his love interest (who will surely be laying there beside him), almost guaranteed to keep them alive until the last minute rescue by nomadic tribesmen.

Each elastic leg band can double as dental floss that will likely be necessary after consuming a life sustaining meal of desert bugs.

The rear area is covered with dozens of highly polished ceramic tiles, sure to blind the eyes of the war plane pilot, bearing down on them and spraying the area with high caliber machine gun fire! All he has to do is pull the back waistband over his head (Wedgie-Mode) and he will have complete protection, almost.

Batteries sold separately.

- - - - -

**[Edited to remove Evil Historical Impossibilities of Doom, stopping just short of providing a motion sickness pill pocket for anthropological adventurers who get sick during time travel.]