h a l f b a k e r yLike a magnifying lens, only with rocks.
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You have obviously never engaged in barroom combat. |
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When employing a broken bottle as an edged weapon, the correct technique is to hold it by the base and smash off the neck. As with many other violence-related activities, movies and TV invariably get it wrong, prefering the clichés of theatrical convention to a technically accurate but less dramatic depiction. |
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We can provide free of charge the addresses of several drinking establishments (the majority in Glasgow ) where we can guarantee you a suitablly expeditious education in such matters, and for a small fee a list of recommended reconstructive surgical specialists for when (if) you recover; there's an additional list of funeral directors - that's free, because we get a nice kickback for any trade we drum up for them. |
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Sorry, but [-]; bad and dangerous advice. |
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I'm probably kissing any chance of running for president
(of anything) away by recounting this but I have a bar
room fight / broken bottle story. |
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Once upon a time in my youth, a gal got very flirty with
me at a bar in San Francisco (at least she looked like a
gal). But seriously, she was very pretty and when she
asked me to dance we got to talking and then sat down at
the
bar. So her boyfriend walks up to me and grabs me by the
neck to try to choke me, or pick me up hoping I'd beg for
mercy or something. I grabbed his hand and twisted it
upside down into a painfully uncomfortable position and
pinned him to the bar immobilizing him. I'm not some
kung fu master, he was shitfaced and being a big dumb
jock, probably didn't expect the long haired guy in the
leather jacket to be so non compliant. |
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Anyway, we both got kicked out of the bar and as I left I
tucked a beer bottle into my jacket just in case. As I
walked out, there he was waiting for me with his buddy. I
pulled the bottle out holding it in such a way that I
obviously intended to use it as a weapon and as I walked
by a lamp post, swung the bottle at in in dramatic fashion
to create a lethal, jagged edged implement of war. The
sound it made as it broke filled the night. |
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Tink? I looked down and saw that the bottle had neatly
severed at just below the neck into two neat pieces, one
of which was now completely hidden in my clinched fist.
Committed now to go to battle with two big drunk guys
with a lipstick tube sized piece of glass in my hand I hid it
behind my back and continued on my way, neither
approaching them or avoiding them. Evidently they saw
that my heart was in the right place and decided to leave
me alone. |
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That is an hilarious story, [doc]. Full marks for psychology
and calmth under pressure. |
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