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Wanting to, in a trivial and tiny act of defiance, stick it to The Man for whom I work, I tend to take a few minutes each day to, uh, evacuate myself on the company pan. Unfortunately, many likeminded corporate rebels are seemingly incapable of using a toilet brush, meaning the previously pristine
porcelain I intend to use is spattered with cack, which, understandably, makes me want to puke my guts up all over my size elevens.
To eliminate any vomit cleaning work for the poor Polish girl who cleans our lavs, I propose installing above the toilet pan, facing directly downwards, a small, cheap and low res camera. Now I, like Chuck Berry, am aware that cameras in toilets can be perceived as a Bad Thing, so I offer this reassurance: this camera will only take a photo when the pan is vacated and the last evacuator's hand is on the cubicle door and even then, the photo will be only - ONLY - of the pan itself.
If the camera-connected image analysing sofware detects something Not White in the image, then one or more of the following things will happen (I haven't decided which, if any):
- a klaxon will sound
- the door will lock and a robotic voice will intone "This lavatory is unfit for use, please use the bog brush provided"
- the door will lock, the lights will dim and the Haunted Bog Brush, previously cowering in the corner, will glow purple and dry ice will be flowing out everywhere and a doom laden voice will intone "I am the haunted bog brush and you will never see the light of day again," lapsing into Traffic Policeman Shriek, "unless you clean your shit up, you manky bastard!"
That'll learn 'em.
Possible styling
http://www.mandarav...phics/SKSUM4934.jpg
though it may jar with the marbled understatement of the conveniences. [calum, Jan 06 2005]
Use this?
http://epa.gov/pest...images/liteswit.jpg
I think it will solve your problem. :-) [half, Jan 11 2005]
This, then?
http://www.costumeu...fold_mask_R1565.jpg
[half, Jan 11 2005]
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it must be getting late, i misread the title as haunted dog brush. croissant still |
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Having had the chance to consider this again, I have realised that locking people in the cubicle is probably against the law, which leads me to the following modification: a second (and out-of-cubicle) camera, photographing only those who leave a shitty bowl, for display, next to the shitty bowl picture, on prominent display screens on the main door the lavatories. |
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Since there's no mention of disinfectant being applied with this used and used and used brush, I assume that appearances are the primary concern here. Maybe a black commode will suffice? |
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Part of the problem in the original scenario is an inefficient flush. Modern 'planet saving' & quiet cisterns just don't do the job well. Look up the test specs for the Thomas Crapper originals. They would shift apples & axle grease (I don't remember eating that...) by dropping 2 galls from a great height. Vindaloo? No problemo... |
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There's no need for the Haunted Bog Brush to apply disinfectant on the brush or toilet as both are cleaned, rather than tidied (tidying being what this invention seeks to enforce) twice daily by the aforementioned poor Polish girl. |
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A black pan is no use because, not only does it look like an evil and potentially two way portal of excrement, it also fails to hide brown poo. Indeed, my home used to have a chocolate brown convenience and that too failed in this regard, poo being produced in so many shades these days. |
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But yes, it's the look of the thing, not the overall cleanliness that's the issue here. Perhaps I should have included germ destruction in the idea text, to pander to the Howard Hughes faction on the 'bakery. |
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Okay then, I may have a solution. (link) |
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I would, [half], I would but, alas, the facilities at my office are equipped with motion sensors to detect my entry, the lights then coming on automatically. |
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Hmm, this is problematic. Hire a camouflage artist to design the bowl coloration?
Got it. (next link) |
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A good idea! I've been annoyed so many times by these treadmarks!! Also a plus for the picture display. That way they can't deny they did it.
And also the excuse "but I don't stay long enough to see it" can no longer apply. |
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I'm so glad I don't have this disgusting problem at work. There's only one other woman besides me on our floor of the building and though she occasionally stinks up the ladies room (nothing a little air freshener can't fix), she keeps it clean. My commiserations to you, [calum]. Loved the skull toilet bowl cleaner, by the way. |
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Why do you care? After all, you are about to crap on it. |
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A riot on 'take your child to work' day. |
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Heh. They'd come away from it never forgetting to use the brush *and* they'd learn some excellent new words. |
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