h a l f b a k e r y"More like a cross between an onion, a golf ball, and a roman multi-tiered arched aquaduct."
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In a development of the technology pioneered by the BorgCo Autorhiniscope <link>, this wonderful new product uses virtual reality and cleverly-designed optics (including an integral illumination system).
The wearer is presented with a clear, unmistakeable 3D colour image of their own buttocks, but
due to the design they need not touch the equipment at all - it responds to voice commands.
Specially manufactured to assist those involved in negotiating the Brexit settlement, as they clearly can't find their own arses* with both hands.
*Those who have attended public schools may have less difficulty when the task involves a second party.
Autorhinoscope
Autorhinoscope
Blatant elf-promotion [8th of 7, Dec 29 2018]
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There could be a TV audience version of the same
procedure..... Like ITV's dreadful Bullseye
programme from the 70s - "Bernie - The Bolt" |
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I can only assume that rations in the Cube lack fibre. |
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Thankfully, we have no requirement for such a device. |
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Alternatively, remove buttocks surgically & graft to chest. |
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Once
they have a clear & unobstructed view of their own
buttocks
the
task of finding it with both hands should then be far less
taxing
of
their limited intellects. |
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A certain amount of re-plumbing will be required of course. |
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And parliaments loos will need a redesign. |
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The face, shirley ? Augment their cheeks with ... bigger cheeks ! |
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The placement will be perfect, as they already talk out of their arses ... |
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I suppose it incorporates a suction cup to mount to various surfaces? |
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