Fortune Auto-Teller

Astrology, runes, palm reading :- In these uncertain times (when exactly were times 'certain'?) there seems to be a need among many people to know their 'purpose' or their 'compatibility' with others or to know what will happen in the future.

I propose an automated system, provided by bank machines that will tell you what you most want to know. Your bank details can supply a large amount of the information normally needed for such predictions: date of birth, your house number etc. So thats the old numerology sorted. To add to the machines resources it will be connected to a teasmade (for tea-leave reading), a small scanner (for your palm print) and a magic 8-ball (cos it never lies!).

<ATM screen> "Withdrawal : £30"
<ATM printout> Balance XXX Pending XXX
<ATM printed fortune> "You will meet a tall dark stranger interested in your finances"

<mugger swings baseball bat> Thud!

(I've not checked if this already exists - I am unashamed in my laziness)