h a l f b a k e r y"Not baked goods, Professor; baked bads!" -- The Tick
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It's a well known fact that the majority of bank notes in circulation have traces of cocaine on them. This is, in itself, a shocking statistic.
However, an equally shocking fact is widely ignored. This fact in itself derives from the way in which these said bank notes are used.
What I'm getting
at is people are sticking bank notes up their noses. That, to me, is more revolting than johny boy (or girl) snorting some substance. Do what you like to your body, but keep your body fluids to yourself.
So, the idea is simply to remove all bank notes from circulation. This would immediately reduce what I'm sure is a major factor in common cold and 'flu spread.
I'm happy to start collecting them. Starting with £5 notes, and working upwards as necessary. As I'm sure you can see, the scheme would be entirely self funding, and would have plenty of surplus cash to fund drug rehabilitation programmes, as well as investing more money into tackling the common cold, 'flu, etc.
This twin approach to two major problems would, I think you'll agree, go some sizable way to reducing the drug problem, and tackling human disease that deprive millions from the economy every day.
(Thanks to Stew Claydon for fine tuning the idea)
Proof of the theory
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/464200.stm
More than 99% of the banknotes in circulation in London are tainted with cocaine, according to a study. [rleyton, Oct 17 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]
SARs and Money
http://www.vortexce...wmlro/wmlro1314.htm
SARs concerns wrt. money [rleyton, Oct 17 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]
Filthy Lucre
http://www.blackvau...dy_dirty_money.html
Choice quote: 94% of the bills were contaminated with bacteria known to cause either serious or mild illness [rleyton, Oct 17 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]
[link]
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You’ve put this is a new light. What if our currency were used napkins? It would be virtually the same thing. Disgusting! So I'm going to get my hole puncher and perforate my big bills with thousands of holes so that these people can't draw a vacuum. Just as soon <sniffs and wipes stray powder from mirror> as I finish here... |
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I love the smell of money... |
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The assumptions are as follows: |
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* Most bank notes have traces of
cocaine on them. Have a look here:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/
464200.stm
* Most people who use bank notes
for taking cocaine stick them up
their nose
* Icky bodily fluids are therefore
on bank notes, as well as cocaine.
A fact that is woefully unreported.
* Icky bodily fluids on notes are
spreading disease all over the
country. Check out the Filthy Lucre
Link (94% of notes have nasty
bacteria) |
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Ergo, take the bank notes out of
circulation. Use the money to good
ends. Hurrah! |
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It's worth pointing out that £5
notes are usually rather crumply
and (apparantly) inappropriate for
said purpose. So it might make
sense to start at £10 or £20. Either
way, I'm not too bothered. |
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<snarfy shit snipped>
You fail to point out that most of the bills are tainted by being in contact with bills actually exposed to the substance. I'd also like to see a link where money is proven to be a vector for disease. |
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I think this may be the solution to the mystery of how newly synthesized chemicals get easier and easier to crystallize: microscopic seeds of crystallized chemical get onto the worldwide distribution system – the U.S. currency. |
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Links added (SARs probably not
the best), but there's a choice
quote from 'filty lucre': 94% of the
bills were contaminated with
bacteria known to cause either
serious or mild illness |
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What we really need is an adequate money laundering method. |
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//<snarfy shit snipped> // |
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That's what I'd like to know... |
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//94% of the bills were contaminated with bacteria known to cause either serious or mild illness// |
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That's not hard to believe. What's hard to believe is that that's actually a health threat. I mean, do we lick or eat our paper money or rub our eyes with it? Of course not. Simply handling notes isn't going to make you ill. |
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Maybe the *real* idea is for rleyton to amass millions of pounds worth of now-useless notes with a view to harvesting the residual cocaine, so that he might become a kingpin drug dealer. Or to get higher than Jesus, one or the other. |
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