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I predict someone will post an idea titled "Blatantly Idiotic Predictions For 2025" and claim it was me.
[link]
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Hahahaa-o-o-HoHoHo, here we go! |
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1. 2025 will be your coolest/hottest/wettest/driest year on record, depending where you are on this big blue marble. No worries: everyone will copy Canadians who no longer put summer/winter clothes in storage. |
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2. The One-World Fascists Club will (re)convene in various locations, plotting each others' overthrow while the rest of us get on with it. |
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3. There will be a resurgence of old-school methods as new-fangled 'secret' spy-proof communications: actual letter mail, handwriting, in-person conversation using words found in pre-2010 published dictionaries. |
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4. Surreal, slapstick, oxymoronic and quizzical observational humour will overtake anxiety-provoking fear as the dominant form of cultural communication, because we are sick and tired of being sick and tired! |
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5. Resistance 'fighters' will continue use the Sharing/Gift Economy and true Meritocracy to (re)build society. We're a big club, and nepo-baby oligarchs ain't a part of it! |
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South Korea will continue to automate until they accidentally annex North Korea. There will be rumors of explosions, but the robots won't talk about it to avoid causing emotional distress. |
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In fashion, pants-on-head is in, shoes are out. |
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The world cup will be won by a team of toddlers leveraging cell phones and lawn mowing robots. |
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Japanese car companies will all merge into Mitsubishi and start selling van-cycles for 800.000 yen. |
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Instead of going to war China will begin the manufacture of companion robots for its many, many unwed men. The research and development of these robots will herald the biggest economic boom in history. |
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30 African warlords will step down from power and turn themselves in to the Hague. "I just couldn't do it anymore", one will be quoted from his cell. "I would rather die than cause one more Khoisan to starve" |
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Elon Musk will voluntarily retire from politics and take up knitting. |
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Theoretical physicists will calculate the long term calendrical basis of galactic orbits. To keep atomic clocks in sync with the newly discovered underlying principles, the entirety of 2025 will be compressed into one leap-second between 23:59:60 on 31 Dec 2024 and 00:00:00 on 1 Jan 2026 |
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1. The Misery Index will become obsolete and will cease to be compiled after generational participants stop submitting their Boredom Proness Scales or Self-reported Index of Satisfaction updates and media are caught up in an era of optimism. Last issue of Ennui Magazine "Permanently Closed", fires off a postscript issue, titled "2024 RIP All Who Care" |
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The powers that be in most democracies, having become unpopular or simply tired faces in their countries by various boneheaded means, all shift clockwise by one country where they are lauded for their genius, especially the ones thst don't speak the local language. |
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The two major political parties in the US will come together and realize that this constant partisan gridlock isn't working, and will pass a constitutional amendment mandating multiparty representation, each ceding half of their seats in Congress to a new party. |
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Donald Trump will, ironically, end up working at McDonald's for real, and will find out that he actually loves it. Kamala Harris will be his GM. |
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As the American economy hits a 4.0 GDP, peace breaks out in the Middle East and Ukraine, gas prices fall to $1 a gallon in the US, LNG exports significantly reduce energy costs in Europe, self-driving cars eliminate 40,000 highway deaths in the US and raw milk is proven to be better for you than the MMR vaccine, xenzag will write a 10,000 word essay amusingly titled "I Was Wrong All Along" |
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North America compromises with the UK over the rule of unwashed verses washed eggs and bans all eggs from grocery shelves. |
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In other news the steady decrease in Earths magnetic field has caused all plant life to begin to grow at an exponential rate creating house sized rhubarb plants and blades of grass large enough to walk between. This unexpected canopy has begun to reverse desertification with its ever increasing shade. |
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On the entertainment front, recent advancements in holography have changed cinema forever by allowing the audience to choose which actor's eyes, or even background extra's eyes, they wish to view the action from. |
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Other predictions: emperor elect Musk will be revealed as being a humanoid android after one of his eyes falls out when he bends over too far on the golf course, and he mistakenly hits it down the fairway for a hole in one. |
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