h a l f b a k e r yFaster than a stationary bullet.
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Rather than have the herds just standing around plotting insurrection, a waterslide can provide entertainment and exercise. Put those rolling hills to use and turn those fat rolls to lean, tasty muscle.
animals on the internet
http://blog.ted.com...ruled-the-internet/
maybe there should be animal maker faires [JesusHChrist, May 30 2014]
[link]
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But lean meat is more profitable. |
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Mostly I just want a herd of cows lined up on the path up the hill, waiting their turn to go down the slide and splash into the pond. |
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How do you get cows to go down a waterslide? |
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For one thing, I think they'd need to be trained. If they just stepped onto it, their hooves would slip and they'd fall on their rump roasts before going down. Probably not something they'd want to repeat. So you'd have to train them to sit and scootch themselves down, just like we do. That's a pretty well trained cow. |
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I like the idea of cows going down waterslides in principal, I'm just fuzzy on the details such as how and why. |
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<completely irrelevant aside> I have tried
something similar to what I imagined from the
title. In my early skydiving days (ie when I was
thinner and more single), I once misjudged things
and was about to land downwind (bad) on a
disused runway (hard) on which the airfield
owner/farmer had stacked two large piles of steel
girders (painful). |
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There was about a 5ft gap between the two piles
of girders, but on the near side of that gap was a
large pile of festering manure, also left there by
the owner/farmer. After about 1 second of
thought I aimed for the gap. The result was that I
slid on my arse into, through, and out of the muck
heap, clearing the girders by about a foot either
side. I think I made the right choice, but only by
a narrow margin. |
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//How do you get cows to go down a waterslide? // |
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I figger get the pigs hooked on it first, show the cows how much fun it is. |
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If you could make this work, it would make
rounding them up for slaughter that much easier. |
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Don't bother trying to train the full grown animals.
they will likely injure themselves. But if you start
with the young ones, they are generally more
playful and less prone to injury during a fall. If
they grow up sliding, they'll have the technique
refined enough by the time they are big that they
won't hurt themselves. Hopefully the adults will
teach the kids, so all you'll need to do is keep the
slide in working order. |
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Install a people mover, call it a cow mover, toss their
lazy asses up on it, and teach them to have fun. It is,
after all, a teachable skill. My daughter taught me, I
know. |
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Would be helpful to have someone keep an eye on this waterslide activity. |
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I imagine David Heifferhoff and Pamoola Anderson might fit the bill. |
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<slinks back under a rock> |
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You can lead a cow to water... but you can't make them think. |
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If the cows were in and lolling around the pond and
the bulls were placed on the hillside just above the
slide they would probably be your first customers
even if the cows weren't wearing lipstick. |
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You gotta beef with that? |
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I don't want to carp on about it. |
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Hang on, that's a fish... |
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whatever, they are all vertebrates. |
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I stand corrected. Moodos to you. |
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It might behoove us to find some way to hide this idea. I've got no stake in it. |
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Just don't let the horses go down. I'd hate to have
to shoot 'em. |
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