ANNOY - answering service

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Specification IEEE 45900-62X-0017
Dated: January 2015 (The year in which robots were supposed to be smart enough to think for themselves)

Title: ANNOY - Answering Service
Description: A standard for real aggravating Integrated Voice Response systems.

110. System Requirements
110.1 Opening message:
110.1.1 The opening message will contain a short musical which following several repetitions has the effect of causing a piercing earache.
110.1.2 The music played shall not in any way disclose the identification of the answering service responding to the listener's call.
110.1.3 At least one lapse of sound will be heard, when the listener expects to hear the name of the service, and after the words "You have reached". A preferable implementation would be for the audio to suddenly become barely audible, and completely indiscernible.
110.1.4 The options will be read out rapidly, with the number at the end of the sentence.
110.1.5 In any case the user will hear that for receiving the service they called for they must hang up and call a different number, which brings them back exactly to this service.
110.1.6 The voice message must convey that they are important to the company and that the company will answer them immediately.
110.1.6.1 Because the callers time is precious to the company, the caller is given an option to leave a phone number. This process should take at least 5 minutes. The reading of the numbers should be extremely slow, and finally the caller will be told that you will get back to them withing 24 hours, during the work hours.