This unfeasably enmuscled super-hero emerges blinking from the ruins of a Belgian sorting office after a freak experimental gamma-ray sorting machine accident.
Dazed and confused, he finds solace in the kindly arms of a blind Vietnamese broccoli saleswoman named Ula Sett who teaches him the art of placing things in overlapping piles organised by feature.
Initially annoyed by her seemingly fastidious nature, he comes to realise that she is actually an accomplished martial artist who's style is based on internalising the overlapping spaces on the floor and performing moves depending on where and when an enemy's limbs are placed within an evershifting set of areas.
One day, while setting out their vegetable stall on the cobbled streets of Brussels, they are set upon by a ruthless gang of 3-legged ninjas and Jean Claude and his mentor are defeated due to their Venn Diagrammatic style not accounting for their tridexterous opponents.
Ula is mortally wounded, but in her last dying breath, she reveals to Jean Claude that she had cut her master's tutelage short, believing that she had learnt all of his secrets, but that Jean Claude may be able to complete his training with her old master, and thus find a means to defeat these three-legged henchmen.
Jean Claude prepares for the journey ahead and sets out for revenge...-- zen_tom, Mar 18 2009 Escalators http://www.raeng.or...ng/4_Escalators.pdfJust in case you ever wonderd how they worked. [eight_nine_tortoise, Mar 18 2009] Classic kung-fu structure, love it.-- theleopard, Mar 18 2009 You must be telepathic. Do you ever think we might be a hive mind on here?-- nineteenthly, Mar 18 2009 I just loved the title at first and the rest is good, too. +-- xandram, Mar 18 2009 Excellent - I'd go and see a Jean Claude Venn Diagram film (catchphrase: "I think you belong in the null set, my friend" <blam!> <blam!> <blam!>).-- hippo, Mar 18 2009 Clever! (+) If Jean Claude is to navigate time and space in order to find Euler's transcendant master, the semi-mystical, part-time map maker & statistician, Carter Gram (before whom all illusions are dispelled and all things knoweable ), then I am sure that he will need the aid of the world's foremost consulting detective, Mr Gantt Chart, currently resident at no.221B Halfbaker Street, London on Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday with a rental payment due on Friday morning and a Friday afternoon transition period scheduled for a possible re-location .-- DrBob, Mar 18 2009 <Bad Belgian>Yay, il s'agit d'une situation encroissantage!</Bad Belgian>
I just realised that "Euler Set" doesn't sound very Vietnamese, so I've renamed her to Ula Sett (edit - and which isn't strictly correct pronunciation-wise, the Euler in question being pronounced (sort of) "Oiler") which probably doesn't sound very Vietnamese either, but seems better somehow.
I'd like to see a scene where Jean Claude finds himself within a sort of church-like space, with coloured patterns projected onto the floor from the stained glass windows. A fight ensues, and JC realises that the projections are somehow providing him with clues as to his opponents moves, it's all very groovy - there should definitely be some recurring stained-glass theme in there somewhere, just to provide the visuals.
Oh and [19thly] yes, there's definitely some form of hive-mind thing going on - it's as if we've all taken a communal topical journey from the Irish, through homosexuality, venn diagrams, and now to Belgian kung fu - a more logical progression might be difficult to find anywhere else!-- zen_tom, Mar 18 2009 Are you a three legged ninja, or just happy to see me?-- bungston, Mar 18 2009 [zen] Oh, are you saying JCVD isn't also gay and Irish? I didn't realise we'd moved on...-- hippo, Mar 18 2009 Of course the Hive Mind theory would be more easy to sustain if the hero had been called Gene Claude Venn Diagram.-- DrBob, Mar 18 2009 /The leading character being conceptual development/
Her friends call her Coco. You can pick her out because of her revealing short-cut tutelage.-- bungston, Mar 18 2009 Maybe JCVD implies that his non-hibernicity entails his non-homosexuality. Do you want me to draw you a diagram?-- nineteenthly, Mar 18 2009 In the 2nd Episode (Revenge of the Protractor, tag line - Feel the tension escalate [link]) JCVD travels to London, where deep in the old disused WWII underground tunnels he must find and defeat the top Russian tractor designer, the evil - Top Ology, in his plot to displace ‘Massey Ferguson’ caps with those of his employer ‘Concern’. Top Ology is a tricky opponent as you can never tell how far away or what direction he is.-- eight_nine_tortoise, Mar 18 2009 Give this man a bun and send him to Hollywood. Or Brussels.-- wagster, Mar 19 2009 Or both at the same time.
No wait, that would be counter-productive.-- theleopard, Mar 19 2009 " I didn't even know where Bruges fucking was..."
"It's in Belgium."-- wagster, Mar 19 2009 + for the excellent title.-- xenzag, Mar 20 2009 "...with Venn Diesel"-- hippo, Mar 20 2009 Just noticed it now takes 23 votes to make a 2 and a half bunner. Does that mean that there are on average more bunned ideas than before so the top threshold has been raised?
This deserves one more... especially as I just watched JCVD and it was ace. Proper, no messing about, ace.-- theleopard, Mar 21 2009 They'll never beat Sean Karnaugh-ry.-- Dub, Mar 21 2009 I knew immediately from the title that this would be a [zee-tee] idea. Had to be. And I knew immediately what the idea would contain.
This idea would be the area mutually described by funny, excellent prose, and maximum tremendocity.-- Jinbish, Mar 23 2009 random, halfbakery