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children are sophisticated these days and well aware of what technology can do for them so when they are feeling a little scared of the dark or wake up from a bad dream, this reassuring little gadget will soothe their fears.
a wand, such as harry potter might own, that when waved in any potentially
unpleasant location, scans the area for: sudden drops in temperature, vibrations of either the earthly kind or the other sort, unexplained noises, bumps, groans or heavy breathing with or without a whiff of bad breath.
when the scan is completed successfully with no hidden malevolence or evil found, then a loud, cheerful, pre-recorded all-clear is sounded (possibly a ring-tone of the child's choice).
warning - not to be used around hand-dryers.
[Phoenix]'s classic. hmmm, try saying that five times fast.
Boogieman_20Forensics_20Kit
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Aug 24 2008]
Randy's scary monster
http://www.hiarchiv...tent=script&s=5&e=8
[Ctrl]+F then "Cut to Randy's room, 3:03 a.m." [Klaatu, Aug 26 2008]
Chihuahua Vacuum
Chihuahua_20Vacuum
Keeping the world safe for Shih Tzu. [8th of 7, Aug 27 2008]
Night of the Lepus
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069005/
Horror movie about Giant Rabbits. Not at all scary. [8th of 7, Aug 31 2008]
[link]
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Can also be used to check the safety of the dark kitchen when fetching bottles at 03:00. |
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A Hairy Potter under your bed? |
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Should give false positives once in a while to incite fear. |
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I bun it...although I think it encourages the childhood belief in monsters under the bed and in the closet. |
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I would get one of these myself...but we have a Chihuahua...it would be going off constantly. |
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"ah but, phoe's is a toy!"
Is not! It's full size! |
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How can it tell whether a noise has been explained or not? |
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let me explain it to you...I imagine that there is a database of normal household noises e.g. the 3rd step on the stairs that creaks, the noise the cat makes when someone stands on his tail. |
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phoe, let me re-phrase that... |
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Can't this detector be built into a cell phone? |
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//but we have a Chihuahua...it would be going off constantly//
In that case, change the setting from "irritating" to "scary" |
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Or, along with your Scary Monster Probe, purchase an item from the BorgCo range; the Chihuahua Swatter, the Chihuahua Harpoon, or the Ride-On Chihuahua Roller (Also available mail order. Chihuahua not included). |
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...and, of course, the hand cranked Chihuahua Press (also available for other small mammals). |
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<adjusts under-bed (and elsewhere) scary monster probe to take DrBob in to consideration> |
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oops, I think something just exploded. |
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<tries to quietly slacken off Chihuahua press without any HB'ers noticing> |
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Keep cranking that thing! There's at least three chihuahuas left. We must drive out the evil! |
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<Throws [ye_river_xiv] a bag containing a bottle of Scotch, three spare mags of 5.56, two cans of corned beef, a set of kebab skewers and a large wooden mallet> |
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"C'mon son, you want to live forever ? Let's go get 'em !" |
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chihuahuas do not represent scary monsters and have no relevant place on this idea. stop it! |
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what 4 twats boned an idea for comforting human children? I'm ashamed of you. |
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And Chihuahuas are horrible yappy little bulgy-eyed non-dogs. Real dogs have noses. Real dogs do not have ears like furry venus fly-traps. Real dogs do not fit inside George Foreman grills. |
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Even yorkshire terriers are more likeable than chihuahuas, and that's saying something. |
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so we agree - now shut up! |
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And then theres those children who are genuinely scared of Chihuahuas... why can't we think of them? They are the perfect monster, nobody ever suspects the dog... ever! |
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This idea could have uses in horror movies as well (I wonder what would happen if you strapped one of these things to a zombie...?)[+] |
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New batteries of course.
tsh! |
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// an eerie silence from the detector ? // |
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That means that the monster is .... BEHIND YOU ! |
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i want the taser variety for probing for the girls' boyfriends du jour. Of course there's the cheapass variety: tape the cat to a broomstick; just before poking it under the bed, shake it up so it grabs the first thing it can (monster's face or something) |
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//Should give false positives once in a while to incite fear.// |
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An occasional false positive is necessary to prevent the more astute child from realizing it's all a hoax. In case of monster detection, the probe could display a menu of anti-monster countermeasures, thus giving the child a sense of empowerment. |
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//the probe could display a menu of anti-monster countermeasures//
As any movie buff or six year old child knows, the only effective monster countermeasure is a flamethrower, which is going to make a mess of their Toy Story II bedspread. |
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Could be substituted by a fairly powerful xenon flash (ex - dispsable cameras). |
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I'm cool with the flamethrower |
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If it could detect spider activity as well, I'd surely buy one! |
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Use a Chinchilla on a stick, and check for absence of fur and loud sneezing; unless it's a monster Chinchilla under the bed, of course. |
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// unless it's a monster Chinchilla // |
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It's hard to envisage even a monster chinchilla being in any way scary......... they're vegetarian.........even a three metre tall chinchilla could be easily distracted with a few sacks of hay and food pellets ...... |
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