h a l f b a k e r yGuitar Hero: 4'33"
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Cold hard rain is in your face. Your nose has an ice cap. Rain soaked sogflakes batter your eyes like pinpricks and liquid nitrogen. Welcome to new york in winter!
You buy an umbrella. You are kinda' dry for about 15 seconds. Then from the cold of Canada a gust of wind barrels down the side of the
Chrysler Building howling your name. It thunders and whips with sheer malice and intent to mangle under your umbrella. You come off the ground. The umbrella “blooms” suddenly into a spiky bat-winged flower. You hover like a neurotic mary poppins. You crash. You slip on the ice and your knee hurts. Everything hurts. You curse the wind and shake you fist at the heavens. The thunder rolls on.
Don’t despair! There is hope!
You need a RAIN SHIELD!
Hard clear plastic covered in self-locking rubber. Folds out like a fan- fur-lined hand grip ads a touch of luxury. No, it won’t keep you perfectly dry, but at least you can see and you won’t blow away or put out your eye.
BATTLE the weather with RAIN SHEILD.
it works like this.
http://www.futurebird.com/rainthing.jpg
[futurebird, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]
[link]
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I can't visualize this. What do you do with it? Carry it around? Wear it? |
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I can't picture it either. Is it biomechanical? |
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I don't need one anyway. When it rains, it's nature's way of telling me to duck into Starbucks. |
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It's a conspiracy: the Totes umbrella I bought in Edinburgh stands up to wind better than anything I've ever bought in the US, including ones by the same brand. Why does the UK keep the best umbrellas for themselves, while the rest of the world staggers around under little useless funnel shaped things on rods, filling with water. |
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I'm figuring it's either an oversized clear sun visor, or an ultralight welder's visor. Either way, works for me. (And I can vouch for New York weather being unduly harsh on umbrellas.) |
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// Why does the UK keep the best umbrellas for themselves, while the rest of the world staggers around under little useless funnel shaped things on rods, filling with water. // |
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It's part of our plan to re-conquer all those bits of the world that we used to own. But pelase don't tell anyone, because it's not very politically correct. |
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Upon seeing your drawing, my first thought was that it would spin in the wind like a pinwheel. Centripetally self clearing & gets people out of your way. |
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But the best form of defence is offence! Take the fight to the weather.... |
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Hard clear plastic, with fur-lined hilt. No, it won't keep you dry (at all!) but at least you can go down fighting! |
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BATTLE the weather with RAIN SWORD. |
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RAIN SWORD is and EVEN BETTER idea! |
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If I recall my old German class correctly, Rain Shield is the direct translation of Regenschirm, which is the German word for "Umbrella". |
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\\Why does the UK keep the best umbrellas for themselves\\. Well judging by the number that I break, it is necessary. |
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Rain Sword is an awful idea but would get my vote anyway if it was half-baked. |
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