Tame Ctenophore Umbrella

Imagine, if you will, a conventional brolly. Round, flimsy, spokey, spikey at the edges and, more or less, entirely evil. Prone to blowing inside-out at the merest suggestion of a breeze, poking innocent passers-by in the eyeball and entangling tresses of the tumbling kind and careless fingers in their machinery.

No longer. The Tame Ctenophore Umbrella features two layers of tough, transparent, waterproof material with the spokes and workings sandwiched inside. The spokes and hinges are enveloped in double-sewn tubing of rainbow colours, giving the whole the appearance of a ctenophore with scintillating cilia. The canopy is highly domed, providing improved stability and taking up less space, a major consideration in crowded areas.

The greatest advantage of the Tame Ctenophore Umbrella, though, is that is cannot be blown inside out.

At the bottom edge of the umbrella, a three inch wide tube of extra material extends beyond the ends of the spokes, enclosing a ring of flexible steel rope whose circumference is slightly less than that of the umbrella itself (6 inches less, to be precise). When the umbrella is opened, this extra material becomes taut stretched between the umbrella's outer edge and the smaller inner ring. This creates a small "shelf" inside the umbrella's rim whilst still leaving more than enough room for the Tame Siphonophore Umbrella owner's head and shoulders. This extra element stabilises the canopy further and prevents the umbrella from overextending and blowing inside-out in the wind.

The double-layered construction protects fingers and curls from nipping and tangling and the sealed edges and tough plastic covering thwart the umbrella in its attempts to poke people in the eye.

It may not fold up to fit in a handbag, but the Tame Ctenophore Umbrella will protect you from rain, pain and retribution and, as if that wasn't enough, you can pretend to be a jellyfish at the same time!