RR - Prof. Grenouille, please tell our readers about your current project.
PG - Certainly, well I’m in the middle of clinical testing of webbed lips after successful trials on wide mouth frogs. See these triangular membranes in the corners of my mouth?
RR - Yes, quite chichi, and before you opened
your mouth, I had no idea. You reminded me of Julia Roberts.
PG - You’re too kind. The webs’ rubber compound is quite elastic and hardly hinders mastication or speech.
RR - Whatever gave you the inspiration for this splendid idea?
PG - Well, actually it was when I was training my simultaneous capacity in front of the mirror, brushing my teeth while whisking off cat hairs from my black cotton blouse with a moist palm. I think it was the toothpaste foam overflowing a lip and seeing the folded skin between my left thumb and forefinger. Later, while entering the World Wide Web, the whole concept hit me.
RR - So, what other practical uses do webbed lips provide besides drip-less tooth brushing?
PG - Of course, there’s the convenience of eating with your mouth open and not needing to cover one’s mouth when yawning or picking teeth. And then, there’s the bedroom.
RR - Please go on.
PG - The webbing is a wonderful drool guard, and from tape recordings, I’ve noticed that snores acquire a pleasant whistling resonance. However, these don’t explain my spouse’s unusual support for the project.
RR - Any drawbacks noted?
PG - Well, I’ve noted that I use twice as much lipstick as before, and I eat burgers vertically now.
RR - And finally, tell us how one attaches and removes the webs.
RG - I composed a two component adhesive that includes chewing gum and super glue. I’m presently feverishly toiling to perfect a safe solvent to detach them.