h a l f b a k e r yGo ahead. Stick a fork in it.
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Here's a theme restaurant for you. Featuring such menu items as Mama Cass Sandwiches, Steak and Stolen-Kidney Pie (served with a side of ice and a note that reads, "call 911"), and Real Dog - Or Is It? - Hot Dogs, this homey little diner provides its customers with service that is always faultlessly
nice. Too nice, in fact.
The dessert menu favorite is the 1970's classic: 15 bags of Pop Rocks and a large Coke. Signed liability releases are accepted in lieu of reservations.
(?) Truth as strange as fiction
http://www.cnn.com/...uit.reut/index.html
Icky. [PotatoStew, Apr 04 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]
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Make sure the booths have optional seatbelts, too:-). You don't want to get trapped in a belt if the restaurant catches fire. All the survivors can congratulate themselves on being bright enough not to use theirs. |
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And the ever-popular worm burgers. |
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And a slice of Animal 57, please, medium rare. |
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Rat-head hamburger, anyone? Oh, wait... that actually
happened... |
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Human excrement tacos...oh, that happened too <shudder>. |
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Chicken Head Nuggets, and Scalding Hot Coffee... wait that happened too. |
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Blue Plate Special: microwaved poodle dogs! An explosion of taste. |
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right next door to a hairdresser..... |
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And a veterinarian on the other side... |
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Envionmentally conscious customers would be pleased to know that the diner dumps all of its leftovers down the sewer, to feed the resident alligators and savage black pigs. |
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Your waiters tonight will be Elvis, Josef Mengele and Lord Lucan. |
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Once, i found a sheep in my food, or was it just Haggis? |
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[Don't ask about the Spanish Oysters] |
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And for the lady, might I recommend the lobster? |
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You're forgetting the door handle with the bloody hook, and the rhythmic scraping emanating from the ceiling... |
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As part of the Grand Opening Special, free desserts will be awarded to anyone who a) asks if the building has a basement, b) lets someone else buy him or her a drink, or c) offers to investigate that noise in the ceiling. |
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Hell, let's give anyone who does (c) a free meal ... when and if he or she ever comes back. |
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Would all the drinks come in old-style cans with pull-tabs so that customers could collect them to donate to hospitals so that they could buy dialysis machines?
Wait a sec while I put "Louie Louie" on the jukebox so I can sing along. |
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And periodically, the phone at your table will ring.
"hello?"
"I am the Viper. I am coming over now."
"AAAHHHH" |
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Every 100th can of Pepsi would contain the needle from a
syringe. |
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You'd get all of your drinks in cans, but you'd have to save the pop-tops to help a poor Missourian child stay on dialysis. |
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Not so much for the nasty food names but a good Urband Legend story would be nice to learn about while eating. |
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Another dessert specialty - bananas. With spider.
Your seats would be shaped like cars (just like in that restaurant in Pulp Fiction), and every hour or so, an elephant would take a seat on the hood (reinforced, but with satisfying "collapse" mechanism). |
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Wondering if [1percent] lives anywhere near New
York. Watch out, they're after you! |
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