h a l f b a k e r yClearly this is a metaphor for something.
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Sighing and resigned I have trooped, for the third time, away from the toilet pan, having found my underpants on back to front yet again.
I propose a pair of underpants the rear half of which exactly mirrors the front, so that I can don my underpants in the morning, safe in the knowledge that they
are always on the right way round.
Drop Gusset Rotatopants
Drop_20Gusset_20Rotatopants
Do you remember the first time? [calum, Mar 09 2005]
Smarty Pants
Smarty_20Pants
"Dressing Nightmare II: The Quickening" [calum, Mar 09 2005]
Designer scants just for [calum]
http://members.cox....s%20for%20calum.bmp
just take this drawing to any tailor in town and he/she can make the knickers of your dreams [dentworth, Mar 11 2005]
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Annotation:
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I thought that you bold Caledonians eschewed such fripperies. |
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You must have a serious problem. Why don't you just put a big arrow on the front, nobody's gonna see, are they? |
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FFS, calum, just wear crotchless pants. That'll save you a whole lot of washroom acrobatics. |
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As I may have mentioned elsewhere, whey-faced, thin-lipped conservative presbyterianism is what the Law Society demands of each of her members, in all aspects of life, professional, personal and sartorial. If I was to turn up to work (or worse still, to a client meeting) in a kilt, They would find out. While I was advising Granny Snooks on blue chip companies, feeling the air conditioned breeze around my goolies, somewhere on the other side of Edinburgh, in offices ruled by grey and repressed LS members, a bony hand would be marking in the box beside my name a scratchy copperplate "Undesireable." |
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I dread to think what would become of me if they found that I was wearing a g-string or crotchless knickers. I suspect that I would be suspended from practice, forced to sell my smallholding, my family would be sent to the poorhouse, and I would be marched through the streets of the New Town, wearing a sandwich board bearing the legend "Deviant". |
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Anyway, in considering the progress of my problem and proposed solutions, a continuum of attitude emerged. With Drop Gusset Rotatopants, the solution was to treat the symptoms, with Smarty Pants, the solution was to prevent the problem and finally, with Twin Axes Symmetropants, cures the problem entirely. It can't be long 'til WHO come calling. |
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somewhere in all that /I\ , did you address the solution of not wearing them at all? |
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Double-fly trousers are not far off. |
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i thought this was going to be metro-
fashionable pants with a large spinning
axe on each hip. |
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just go with out. or a colostomy bag. |
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po, there is no way calum could go without undergarments, for his breeks are a coarse Harris Tweed and the potential for goolie chafage does not bear thinking about. |
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oh I don't know, talcum powder is a wonderful thing. I thought the scots were supposed to be tough. |
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But think about it: if he liberally applied talcum powder to his undercarriage before dressing each morning then there would emanate from his nether regions a white puff every time he sat down. |
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Actually, you might be onto something there. |
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<considers posting an idea called "talcum dispensing puffpants"> |
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Do it. I mean, please do it. |
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you'd get a bun from me :) |
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I enjoy asking [calum] about the kilt at intervals simply for the literary magnificence of his replies. |
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Puff the tragic Scotsman. |
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Yeah, angel, but what you perhaps don't realise is that he not only annotates like that, he also speaks like that. |
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Sometimes, when he's on really top form, I fear my ears may start to bleed. |
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//he also speaks like that.//
Tremendous! |
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I also was hoping for pants with axe-blades down the side seams - good for helping one get through tight-packed crowds. Um. Couldn't you just label your underwear "front" and "back" with a marker? Sort of like at camp when you had to write your name in all your undies in case you forgot who you were... |
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how about motorized underpants that will automaticaly rotate if put on incorrectlly. |
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Do you dress in the dark, [calum]? I don't think I have managed to put my underwear on backwards in at least twenty years. |
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If the LS found out you made a habit of wearing your underwear backwards, would this be a problem? Or would it only be a problem if they could confirm it was a preference and not an accident? Do you think they ever visit this site? |
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Bun. Because the other day, for the first time in my life, I noticed that my pants were on backwards. |
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if stuffing a motor in your pants doesn't get you looked at sideways nothing will. |
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[calum] has thrice futily explained the ramifications of 1) crotchless underpants 2) no underpants 3) kilt wearing. I fear we will never hear his cry for help. |
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All I have to say is this, if you wake up wearing underwear all twisted round, [calum], you must be doing something right. |
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OTOH, if you wake up wearing underwear at all, [calum], you're probably doing something wrong. |
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"whey-faced, thin-lipped conservative presbyterianism "
that means I'm qualified to join! |
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so sorry I came in late on this. I see your problem.... perhaps in a jersey knit... yes, I'll work on it. see link |
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How about underpants built into your trousers themselves? Or do you also have a problem with putting your trousers on back to front as well? |
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[angel] & [Brau], thank you! |
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It should be noted that I live in Scotland, where it is night roughly 75% of the year, meaning that I usually do get dressed in the dark, and always too early to be thinking straight. |
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[Icthus], I am certain that the scalpel sharp minds Law Societ minds at Drumsheugh Gardens are already well aware of my inability to dress myself in a manner befitting a member of the Legal Profession. However, even they would have a difficult time proving my backwards pants are a conscious and deliberate act, so I am safe for the time being. On the other hand, wearing women's knickers is a statutory offence, requiring no intent, so I must take the utmost care to ensure that my underwear falls within the bounds of acceptability. |
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Finally, a great big thank you to [dentworth] for the new scants. No-one's ever designed an undergarment for me! I'm off to buy some silk. |
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if its illegal for you to wear women's knickers then the laws an ass. I believe you though, you're the legal bee's knees. |
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