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Titillating Toenail Trimmer

 Squish...Bzzzzz...Yayyyy!
 
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Insert toe into hole of battery operated toenail trimmer, similar in design to an electric pencil sharpener. Your toenails are filed to a lovely, straight and appropriately shortened length, followed by a buffing if desired. All the toenail sawdust drops discreetly into a detachable plastic catcher, so you don't have to spy those nasty clippings.

Also comes on a stick, so that overweight/old people can reach their toes, and don't have to subject a second party to their yellow, crusty specimens.

—Helium, Nov 03 2003

Trail of thought... http://www.halfbake.../idea/Razor_20Tiles
...which led to this [Helium, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]

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       Pencil sharpener magic?   

       (I mean, it's no real loss if you inadvertently sharpen a pencil down to a useless stub, but it's gonna really sting if you leave your toe in too long - Squish...Bzzzzz...YEOW!)
—DrCurry, Nov 04 2003
   

       Nothing, and I mean nothing, makes me squirm worse than someone else attending to the trimming of my toenails.   

       But nothing, nothing, makes me squirm with more mischievous joy than the thought of serving people jello made out of my powdered toenails. (+)
—Overpanic, Nov 05 2003
   

       i'm afraid to ask but... why is this titillating?
—aquamarine, Nov 05 2003
   

       I overtook a truck on the motorway the other day. It's livery read: "Help The Aged, Mobile Toenail Cutting Service". Try as I might, I can't think of a worse job in the whole world.
—Fishrat, Nov 05 2003
   

       another one for *grot idol* obviously.
—po, Nov 05 2003
   

       Titillate; meaning no. 2 in my dickie, means "to cause a tickling or tingling sensation, especially by touching". Which is what I expect your lower digits would be experiencing.
—Helium, Nov 05 2003
   

       I would only try this if I saw that it had a 99.9 success rate. Maybe if this machine had a mini cam connected to the computer where you could see the process enlarged on the screen to adjust it like advanced surgery. or how about a laser toe nail trimmer?
—SmartyPants, Nov 05 2003
   

       Or some decent system of compensation.. like if you lose a toe when using this device, and this clogs up and blunts the mechanism, you get a voucher for 50% off another Titillating Toenail Trimmer.
—benjamin, Nov 06 2003
   

       But biting my toenails is the only thing that keeps me supple - don't rob me of my only form of exercise! Remind me never to visit any restaurant where [Overpanic] works.
—dobtabulous, Nov 06 2003
   

       I've only worked at a Friday's and an Applebee's so far. I once accidentally served warmed onion ring batter to some poor fellow who had ordered broccoli cheese soup. If you're out there, I'm sorry!!!
—Overpanic, Nov 06 2003
   

       Pursuing Overpanic's theme of food-related faux pas, I once worked at a flight-catering company preparing in-flight meals. Trays of roast potatoes containing about 400 each would be lugged along a huge trestle table and three would be placed into each meal-dish. Common practice when approaching the end of the table and running out of potatoes was to fabricate a few by grabbing a handful of the congealed grease they sat in and forming it into a potato shape. We never got caught at this but I did feel sorry for the passengers whose potatoes mysteriously 'melted' when the meal was heated on the plane. Yuk.
—dobtabulous, Nov 07 2003
   

       Toenail sawdust? What a disappointment!!. I bite my fingernails so much that I can never get a good strong nail from my finger to chew/pass through the gaps in my teeth. I have to wait for weeks on end for good strong toenails to fill the void. Even they run out. So now you're trying to relieve me of that enjoyment? No croissant from me.
—effaduck, Nov 07 2003
   

       OK, some freak is gonna buy that and stick his penis in it and well, i don't like where this is going. Any way, if you accidentaly pushed your foot in to far, your toenail wouldn't be the only thing getting clipped! I'm with Dr Curry on this one.   


 

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