h a l f b a k e r yI CAN HAZ CROISSANTZ?
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The Pit And The Pendulum Toaster is a device based on the famous horror story by the great Edgar Allan Poe.
If you're not familiar with the story you need to know that a swinging pendulum arm (that terminates in a sharp blade) slowly descends until it begins to slice into the unfortunate victim who
is held captive under its relentless oscillations.
Using the main principal of this dastardly device, a toaster has now been devised. Here's how it works:
A slice of bread is slotted into the end of the swinging pendulum arm. In order to make the toast, two sets of gas burners are ignited across which the naked bread swings backwards and forwards until it is sufficiently browned.
The Pit And The Pendulum Toaster comes with a starter loaf of human shaped bread slices.
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I get it. This is just like the pit and the pendulum, except
that there's no pit, and it's the "person" who swings instead
of the blade, and there's no blade because there are
burners instead, and instead of the blade (which there isn't)
advancing on each oscillation, the bread (which takes the
place of the person, except that they're swinging instead of
the blade, which there isn't one of) just oscillates at a
constant distance from the burners (which take the place of
the blade, except they're not swinging and are not a blade). |
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All it needs is Boris Karloff (representing Vincent Price, who
starred in the best-known movie of this title) and it would
be perfect. |
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You want one don't you? I can even model the bread in your image. ps - there is a pit - to catch the crumbs of course. |
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Don't really need one, [xen]. I buy this new self-toasting
bread made with Monsanto wheat. |
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Ha - no need for a bedside lamp then, as your
phosphorescent skin lights up the room, and no
need for bug spray either as the odour (that no one
tells you about) kills all known insect life. Ha |
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