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There are no 'new & great' ideas in this religion, but at every service, you get a 5 liter box of red wine...er..'blood of Goliath'. The services are short and proper (just long enough for you to get in, slam your wine, take a quick nap, and leave), and the location of the church changes each week.
Of course, we don't just ask for 10% of your income - we deduct it straight from your paycheck! And the official opening song (and closing song) is "New Religion", by Duran Duran.
I would tell you the official name of this religion, but frankly, it will depend on which company will pay the most money to purchase naming rights.
Duran
http://www.cockrock.../artists-duran.html
Not your momma's Duran. [Trickytracks, Nov 22 2005]
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Certainly not. But there is a bar in the corner. |
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Right, where can I sign up? |
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Just kidding. But how would such a 'religeon' if you must call it that (to me, 'glorified drinking club' springs to mind) work? Will they allow children? Do they do charitable works? Do they have a leadership structure, or is the leader decided by who can drink the most and say a coherent sentance and stand up, all at the same time? |
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Alright, we have to make some rules. First, everyone in the HB is automatically in (you will notice this on your next paycheck). |
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Second, everyone under 18 has to do the real work while the rest of us drink the wine and/or sleep. Third, it is not a 'glorified drinking club'...it's just club, that happens to involve some drinking, and by an amazing stroke of luck, became glorified. |
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Fourth, we select the leader by voting. My nominations for Supreme Leader (also known in the church as 'El Zilcho'): |
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DrCurry / UnaBubba / Ian Tindale / po |
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//Second, everyone under 18 has to do the real work while the rest of us drink the wine and/or sleep.// |
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Did you *really* have to add that clause into the deal? And if the 'real work' (as you put it) involves going down to the shops for more grog/coffee/headache tablets, then you better look at the law about kiddlie-winks buying chardonnay. |
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Nah, the real work involves cleaning, guarding the door, making the coffee, etc. The grog is delivered to the church every morning by FedEx. |
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Then you'd better look under child labour laws. |
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And I can imagine a lot of disciples, a few months later, naming their sons 'Ian', seeing as that it was 'Ian' that led to it... |
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//we select the leader by voting// |
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Can't it just be an anarchist's church? Then we can sit around all day getting drunk talking about crap we want to do but never doing it because that would involve leadership and so on... |
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Hey wait. I think I am already a member. |
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[+] because of the Duran Duran song. |
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It seems that mr. Tindale would be the obvious choice for the leadership. However, he might require prior notice before we start giving away his blood. |
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That's the beauty! The leader doesn't even know he/she was voted in until it is too late. And then said person can go to work after church (services held 4 times every day, except Tuesday) and say "I guess I put my DNA into a bunch of new people today." |
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Uh- huh. Back to the child slave labour thing, how would a bunch of drunkards force the kids to work? Sure, you get mean drunks, but kids are smart cookies and would get wise to which ones just fell asleep and who to keep away from. |
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"Show me the way to go home,
on land, sea or on foam
I had a few drinks an hour ago
And now it has gone to my head..." |
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ah hah! Ian is the author. |
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today the halfbakery, tomorrow... |
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I'm O rhesus negative and I don't want no part of it. |
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sleeka is an Ian. a 2nd class kinda Ian that is. |
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I'd like to be proved wrong on the latter statement. |
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I have yet to sample his home-made beer or hear his thoughts on extra-marital sex or the pinkness of pigeons feet. |
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<Ian Tindale> you have been elected President of a club you did not know existed. |
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<Po> 2nd class? I like. I have 100 liters of homemade beer in my basement and I really know nothing about pigeons. |
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I think ben frost should be considered as the leader |
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Sure. Ben Frost it is. Congrats Ben. |
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Should I re-title the idea? Maybe it will get more votes if I don't name it after myself. |
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Fuck it! Now I've read this twice. A pox on re-named ideas. |
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Where is the meatmountain? Is it between your ears? |
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... I dunno... sounds an awful lot like the
Dionysos cult I've been hanging around
with
lately... |
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...minus the Duran Duran song, that is. We
only play Duran Duran Duran. |
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how sweet of you to say. now on your knees! |
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Hey, you deserved it, [Benfrost]. And I already was on my knees. |
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//Where is the meatmountain? Is it between your ears?// not only is it there, but it also describes the sheer volume of meat we cook and serve at the "Great Awakening" (when Benfrost wakes everyone up for lunch after wine and nap time). |
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