h a l f b a k e r y"Bun is such a sad word, is it not?" -- Watt, "Waiting for Godot"
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OK, this is a bit of a mind-dump of a thought i've been trying to dislodge from my head for a while.
Testicular torsion is a serious problem when it happens. In recent weeks, my sleep has been disturbed by continual thoughts of twisted vasa deferentia. I therefore propose that there be big black
vans hanging out on street corners with "TESTICULAR TORSION SQUAD" displayed in large friendly letters on the side. When a scrotal emergency occurs, the sufferer or a friend alerts the service with a panic button and the van rushes down the road with blues and twos, breaks down the door and hurries to the scene. Once in position, they scan the afflicted scrotum, attach a detwirler and untwist the bollocks.
They are funded entirely privately, threatening not to untwist the testicles or even to retwist them if people don't pay up. This makes them a testicular extortion squad too.
(?) Youtube: Jam Bad Doctor
http://www.youtube....watch?v=llL2cOw4VyM
I'm somehow reminded of this. [zen_tom, Jul 04 2009]
[link]
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Wow. I have never worried about that, ever. Until now. |
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There is a vas deferens between torsion and extortion. |
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I can differentiate them at a glans. |
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Until you added the extortion element, these guys were sounding very much like the RNLI, but for balls. Perhaps the RNLI could learn a thing or two from this. |
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Damn, [nomocrow], I can't top that pun. Guess I fail the testes. |
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This service would provide some poor sod with extreme happenis, I'm sure. [+] |
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Yes, and it would make a "wizz" noise. I also want helicopters and i'd like to point out that it would also mean half of us could sleep securely in our beds provided we had a brown paper envelope stuffed with grubby notes on the bedside table set aside for such an eventuality. |
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Meatust so well in the future. |
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This reminds me of a comedy sketch, with a doctor and a well-dressed man. The doctor is cupping the other man's balls. He says "Should I cough, Doctor?", to which the doctor replies, "No, just tell me you Swiss bank account number". |
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Yes, i think that's from Not The Nine O'Clock News. Good call, i'd forgotten that. |
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Thanks, [zen_tom], it doesn't get much better
than that. I have to admit, it is occasionally
tempting to behave like that, but it would
probably only work in the NHS.
If we're going
with that, it might be advisable to sow fear,
uncertainty and doubt with big scary posters
depicting gangrenous testicles and maybe
something like a TV licencing scare campaign,
along the lines of:
TWO ADDRESSES IN KING'S
NORTON WHICH HAVEN'T PAID UP
WE KNOW
WHERE YOU LIVE
...followed by a shot of a
latex gloved hand knocking loudly on a door before
the screen fades to black accompanied by a
whizzing noise.
TESTICULAR TORSION - DON'T
TAKE CHANCES. |
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Will they have detector vans ? |
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Yes they will, and they'll use terahertz radiation to spy on our scrota while we sleep. |
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So the tinfoil hat won't be enough any more ? Even the gonads will have to be wrapped in shiny, crinkly aluminium foil, and connected to ground with a cable ? |
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That's kind of disturbing (and, in many circumstances, highly inconvenient) |
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