Super Smart-Ass

She appears just before the point in your conversation where you are about to be crushed by some remark to which you have no response. She stands behind the person to whom you are speaking, effectively invisible to this person, and holds up a cue card with your perfect comeback written across it in clear lettering.

She's the daughter of an evil sceintist who experimented with a time machine in the mid-1970's. When her father disappeared, she decided to take over his research and use it for the forces of good. Super Smart-Ass travels forward in time to the middle of the night following your unfortunate rhetorical encounter. She waits by your bed for you to come up with the perfect comeback while you're lying awake, tormented by your verbal impotence. Shen then writes it down, travels back in time to the point just before you wish you would have said it and delivers it to you.

A friend of mine ran into an ex-girlfriend at a bar the other night. He tried to be a gentleman and bought her a beer. Then she complained that the beer wasn't cold enough, and that's when Super Smart-Ass appeared. She told my friend to say, "Well, why don't you just hold the beer closer to your heart?"