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The clink of teacups, the gentle rustle of crinolines, the thwack of willow on linen... ah, summer. However, for some, this idyll is spoiled by Mother Nature, who in her infinite wisdom added pips - pips! - to strawberries. Apparently, this is not to everyone's taste. I was alerted to this because my
boss at work is one of them - apparently, it's the feeling of them between your teeth. And yet, to date nobody has developed either (a) a pipless strawberry, or (b) a device for removing the pips.
This is intolerable. What has Civilisation been doing with its time, for goodness' sake? Frittering it, that's what. Putting some eedjet on the moon, apparently, when we have perfectly good cheese right here, next to the paté.
Therefore, I suggest the following. A small, cylindrical frame is made - preferably of sterling silver, to go with the scone knife and the waiter spanker. This has a small silver dish in the bottom, surmounted by a silver mesh bowl (half of one of those tea strainer balls should do). At the very top of the device is a small mesh trampoline, made of a fine lace netting (preferably of Catalan manufacture - a far superior product). Immediately prior to partaking of the strawberry, one places it into the miniature trampoline net and holds it, leaves uppermost. A few brisk twists grates the surface off the strawberry, taking with it the pips, which fall through the netting and are captured in the silver mesh bowl. The juice collects in the bottom dish, to be added to Cook's gin in the kitchen later.
One can then partake of the freshly deseeded fruit.
Or one can use a laser.
Laser_20Based_20Str..._20Editing_20System
[moomintroll, Jul 16 2007]
[link]
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[thwack of willow on linen] |
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don't you have a flunky to pick them out individually with tweezers? |
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They've done it with grapes and bananas - what's so difficult about breeding seedless strawbs? |
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yes, lovely idea. But if your strawb loses its balance and tips over the tramp and lands exfoliated side down in the bowl of seeds. Oh then what shall we do? |
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ps. eat the seeds moomy, you need the fibre. |
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//eat the seeds moomy, you need the fibre// |
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you know it! ;) I _always_ eat the seeds. Personally, I think it's a fundamental part of the experience. But there are these strange people... like the ones who prefer no bits of peel in their marmalade... weird. Marmalade should have big chunky bits of peel in it - there's no point otherwise. |
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I'm really not comfortable sharing a web
page with someone who serves cheese
along with paté. |
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How could you, [miasere]. You're beastly. |
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What's next? A depilatory for hirsute raspberries? |
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Insofar as denaturing goes, fruit in a bottle was the first handful of dirt in the face of natural fruit anyway you slice it. |
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No, slicing fruit is the first handful of dirt, you are just supposed to stuff it whole into your dirty maw. Did $DEITY provide silverware in the $MYTHICAL_ORIGIN_PLACE? No. Just stop slicing your grapes, it makes baby $ALTERNATE_DEITY cry. |
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Galbinus_Caeli, you have made a mistake. Those constants should be variables unless we have one unified outlook on all religions, or you are poluting the namespace. |
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