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O_o hello welcome to my curiosity shop. You're interested in
this chair, arn't you? Well this is a very special chair. You must
not sit upon it. Inside there are seperated layers of fabric.
The layers are soaked in oil. It's meant for a cadaver, you
see. Setting one upon the chair presses
the layers together
until spontaneous combustion occurs. Not to worry, until the
layers are pressed together the chair is perfectly harmless.
Now, to worry.
[link]
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How much time off do you have on the books? You might want to use some of it (Dr. Norman recommends...) |
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Well school's out, so possibly some months? Let me guess
dr norman recommends spending some time with a woman
with a padded backside to cure mental silliness. |
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We would market these for you. |
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Why would pressing the layers together cause
spontaneous combustion? I'm not saying it won't,
but why will it? |
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My understanding is that oily rags combust because
of slow, non-combustive oxidation which raises the
temperature, and vice versa, in a runaway manner.
On that basis, you'd expect closely-packed oily rags,
with little of the oil exposed to air, to not combust. |
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Well, it rather depends how quickly and
forcefully they are compressed, doesn't it ? |
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There could be a bit of nitroglycerine in there, and the deceased could drop in from some height. There would need to be a spike of straightened fish hook design to prevent unseemly bouncing. |
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Admittedly, pressure is not a factor in oily rag
combustion, so instead the pressure will apply oil to
the rags inside the chair. The oil will be contained
in blisters. |
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a bit of piezoelectric current, created by placing the cadaver, might trigger the reaction? |
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But what if my kitty accidentally jumped up on said
chair? Not good. Not good at all. |
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The bags of nitrocellulose, nitroglycerine, fulminate of mercury would have to be placed on the cadaver, and not the chair. (Same goes for all the phosphorus.) |
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Guaranteed to break the ice at your planet's North Pole in January. |
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plus something about hemorrhoids |
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// But what if my kitty accidentally jumped up on said
chair? // |
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Your dwelling would burn to cinders but your kitty would
be completely unharmed. Cats are infuriatingly good at
that sort of thing. |
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Not the human spontaneous combustion, The Chair and Rags spontaneously combustion. Human is entree. |
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I keep reading this as 'Spontanious Human Combustion Choir'. |
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"Burst into Flames" not "Burst into Song". Easy
mistake. |
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hah! Although I've read the title many times, this
morning I read *Spontaneous Human Combustion
Hair*. ( a flaming red-head?) |
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The misreads are better than the idea. Ha. |
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