h a l f b a k e r y"Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
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Instead of sky marshals, seed every plane with a selection of fake hijackers. Once a hijacking ensues, all of the fake hijackers join in. This is the last thing the actual hijackers would expect! In the confusion, they can be quickly dealt with, and the developing hijack nipped in the bud.
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Talking of hijacking, I have met a sky marshal. He is a fat ex-squaddie with a personality malfunction and absecesses under his arms. Every year he takes three weeks holiday from his job punching people in the name of night-club security, flies to the US, is given a gun - an actual gun - and is paid to sit in first class on internal US flights, to "protect passengers". This is a man whose corpulence prevents him walking up the economy class aisle at any pace faster a clogged drain. |
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People's Front of Judea!
(I thought we were the Popular Front)
<PEOPLE's Front!> |
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"In the unlikely event of a hijacking, the hijacking kit will drop down from the panel above your head..." |
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Hijacking kits can drop down in several forms (hijabs, hamulkas, fezes, cowboy hats, nuns habits, darth vader helmets... ) When the hijackers come back to check what's going on, they suddenly find a plane full of adherents to their particular brand of delusion! Quandry! |
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HJ2 & 3:Well, we want to go to London. Our baggage got sent to the wrong place |
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HJ3:Could we stop off at... |
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Of course, budget airlines would only be able to afford the hijacking kits being discarded by the top airlines. If you fly with BA you'll get up-to-the-minute Islamic extremist hijack kits; If you fly EasyJet they'll probably be Baader-Meinhof gang or Symbionese Liberation Army or something. |
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{Envy}Think of the frequent flier benefits they'd get! |
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"No, Mr. Al-Quaida, YOU are now
hostage to the Revolutionary Halfbakery
Inventors Brigade." |
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This is great! One potential problem that might need to be addressed is that the actual passengers might mistakenly try to take out some of the fake hijackers. |
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If I volunteer for this service I don't want to be stabbed in the chest with a pen by some well-meaning citizen out to be a hero. |
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All your Hijackers are belonging to us? |
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Even more effective when the pilots come over the PA, announcing in (prerecorded) Arabic that they have commandeered the plane in the name of Allah. |
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I'm sorry [ldischler], that's offensive. |
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Why? Aren't the (presumably Arabic) hijackers doing the same? |
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"I'm a hi-jacker, and so's my wife!" |
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//Even more effective when the pilots come over the PA, announcing in (prerecorded) Arabic that they have commandeered the plane in the name of Allah.//
Hmmm, perhaps all pilots should be trained as Imam's too? |
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