h a l f b a k e r yCogito, ergo sumthin'
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Soot Shield
Go ahead, light it up but keep your walls clean | |
During my freshman year of college, for safety reasons, burning candles was a forbidden activity in the dorms. However, you all know that when you're trying to hook up with someone, candles are a great mood enhancer. Therefore, forget the rules. I burned candles....a lot. I made it the whole year without
being caught and thought I was home free. Unfortunately, when I removed all the posters and pictures from my walls, there remained clean, bright, white squares surrounded by sooty gray walls, which had been previously unnoticable. Needless to say, there was no way this could be overlooked by my resident advisor when she checked me out of my room. I can only imagine that my house, in which I never move pictures or posters, is just as bad if not worse.
I know there are companies that make soot-free candles, but many times these are unscented (and I only burn scented candles) and they are not widely available. Therefore, I propose making a Soot Shield for candles. This would be something like a bell jar-shaped cover made from a flame-resistant mesh material (kind of like mosquito netting). When you're ready to burn your candle, cover it with the Soot Shield and hopefully all that nasty, wall discoloring soot will cling to the material and never make it to your walls. The Soot Shield would be machine washable and come in various colors.
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Real soot from a candle is difficult to wash off. You should use asbestos which would allow you to just burn off the soot with a welder. Also, the resident advisor may not worry about the soot any more if you explain about the asbestso condoms over your candles. |
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Maybe one of those electrostatic filters? I think a little mesh thing would get overwhelmed pretty quickly. |
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Just tell your advisor you're a heavy smoker. |
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BrauBeaton, what exactly is a smokeless ashtray and how would that work? |
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//when you're trying to hook up with someone, candles are a great mood enhancer // |
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As, I'm sure, are bell-jar shaped covers made of mosquito netting all over your flat. In my head, the Soot Shields are ugly, and look sort of clunky and off-putting. If the whole point of candles here is to be a turn-on, then maybe clunking them up with Soot Shields isn't a viable option. I don't know. |
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//what exactly is a smokeless ashtray// |
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<googles "smokeless ashtray," gets 157,000 hits> |
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It's basically an ashtray which contains batteries and a small fan to draw the smoke through a filter. Works only when the cig is in the ashtray. |
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Mount an electrostatic probe near the candle, with high voltage on it. (Figure out plus or minus by trial and error. Gotta be one or the other.) The candle burns normally, light radiates normally, but the *soot* feels an urge, a strong urge, an irresistable urge, to merge with the probe. Which collects all the soot. |
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You both stare at the candle. The wine has its effect. You're beginning to feel an urge to merge. You look over to see if the feeling is shared. Then you hear the dreaded words: "Gee, what's this funny thing by the candle ?" ZZZAAAPPPP! <clunk> |
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