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Snail Board

 Mollusc Mayhem
  (+10, -3)
(+10, -3) 		  [vote for,
against]

Take a kitchen chair and saw off the legs. Screw it securely, through its back, to a plywood board.
Turn the assembly over and and glue thousands of snails to the back of the board by the tops of their shells, making sure that they all face the same way.
Press the board lightly against a wall until the snails get a grip.
Strap yourself to the seat.
Climb tall buildings
YIPPPEEEEE!
—IvanIdea, May 16 2002

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       Wonder if you'll see Batman and Robin chatting with different celebs in Cameo roles over the course of days, weeks, months, years...
—thumbwax, May 16 2002
   

       I made sure they were all facing the same way, downward, and they lifted the building!
—FarmerJohn, May 16 2002
   

       I like it, but would you still be shouting YIPPPEEEEE! 5 hours later when you still hadn't reached the second floor?
—stupop, May 16 2002
   

       I thought the correct term for encouraging snails was "giddy up"
—po, May 16 2002
   

       [Stupop]The speed of a snail really going for it is around 0.007mph. (god i love the internet)
This would get you about 4 floors in an hour. Incredibly thats the Empire State in a long working day.
OK so the YIPPPEEEEE! would be reserved for the initial surge of acceleration.
[po] quite right, or alternatively,"vont un escargot plus rapide"
—IvanIdea, May 16 2002
   

       I'm certain that S.N.A.I.L. (Stop Nasty Adults Imprisoning Lifeforms) would have something to say about this.
—rbl, May 16 2002
   

       was she an unusual suspect too?
—po, May 16 2002
   

       I like the concept but how do you make all the snails go in the same direction, eh?
—DrBob, May 16 2002
   

       lay some salt in the snail trail, of course
—thumbwax, May 16 2002
   

       Good morning.
[Dr Bob] The fixity of the shells will ensure that the snails move generally in one direction, they will of course tend to veer to one side or the other but as there are so many the average effect should be straight ahead. Steering could be possible by weight shifting, leaning to one side slightly will increase the load on the snails on that side causing them to run a little slower and creating a turn.
[Bliss] You are totally right, Mrs Ivan is a speed junkie, I actually only run my motorcycles as marital aids. Snail power would not suit at all.
—IvanIdea, May 16 2002
   

       Meanwhile I'll be passing you all in my artificial gekko-powered board.
—RayfordSteele, Jul 21 2009
   


 

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