h a l f b a k e r yExpensive, difficult, slightly dangerous, not particularly effective... I'm on a roll.
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Not sure about your part of the world, but here (Central
Europe) smokers are very rude and totally ignore law or
wishes of a restaurant owner or cafee.
To keep the smokers away or at least behaving, I suggest
usage of a small device (on each desk), that would make loud
annoying sounds when
it detects cigarette smoke. These
would be fixed to the tables and could not be easily turned off
or removed.
Perhaps this one can give you a little squeeze?
http://www.medicald...c-cancer-deaths.htm
[theircompetitor, May 07 2013]
[link]
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Just take up smoking. It's actually very good, and I
recommend it wholeheartedly. |
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"it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness, MUHWHAHAHAHAHA !!! ......." |
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// small device .... loud annoying sounds // |
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Excellent. Such devices are available relatively inexpensively off the shelf from Colt, Smith & Wesson, Ruger, Glock, Beretta and FN. Simply point the device at the offending smoker and pull the operating lever with your forefinger. Problem solved. |
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Those companies make fire extinguishers? Well, bless them, I say. |
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You'll have to excuse 8th. He's from Swindon. |
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[8th] You will be hearing from the fire extinguisher
control people about this, I'm sure. Might be worth it,
though.... |
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Not a smoker myself, but I wouldn't mind a loud
noise emitting device that drowned out anti-
smoker's whining about second hand smoke. |
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You mean you want it to drown out this very idea?
That's
what it's for, isn't it? I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT IT'S FOR,
ISN'T IT ?!? |
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I can't hear you. I'm listening to my Barry Manilow
box set with the volume cranked to 11 and chain
smoking filterless
Chesterfields. |
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I know I don't smoke, but I've decided to start. I'm
complex. |
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///I'm listening to my Barry Manilow box set with
the volume cranked to 11...// |
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You're going to ruin your health with that stuff,
Buddy. |
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I'm thinking about a Barry Manilow detector device
that does...something. I'm not sure what yet...Oh,
got it: when it detects BM (snick, snick), it
reproduces the sound, 180 degrees out of phase,
canceling it for anyone else in the room. Wish we
could do that with Chesterfields....I MEAN, I WISH
WE COULD DO THAT WITH CHESTERFIELDS!!! |
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Just remove Central Europe. It's been a blot on
humanity since before the Avars and Huns invaded
the area. |
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Have you Googled 'Smoke detector'. |
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I hear these are small, inexpensive battery operated devices which make an annoying sound when smoke is detected. |
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MFD - utterly baked to a gently smoking crisp. |
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//smokers are very rude //
Bollocks are we! |
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I knew this was baked, of course, but it gave
[slovakmartin] such a nice opportunity TO WHINE
ABOUT SECOND HAND SMOKE [doc], I hated to
interrupt him. |
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My state passed an anti-smoking ban inside all
public places last year. Best thing since paved
roads. I never thought we'd see the day (this is
Marlboro country). Before that, I was ready to
endorse [8th]s version of 'fire extinguisher.' |
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So, yeah, it's baked, but I'm glad [smartin] had his
day. |
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I'd rather listen to smokers whine about anti-
smokers ranting than smell anyone's smoke over my
dinner. I can cover my ears, but I can't hold my
breath forever. |
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Speaking of second-hand smoke...it is the only kind
of smoke anyone whines about. First-hand smoke is
the smoker's choice. Second hand smoke....oh, forget
it...I mean, OH, FORGET IT! |
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There'll be a big cloud of secondhand smoke
downwind from Tehran one day. People will probably
whine about that, too. |
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I would be surprised if you were willing to sit in the
cloud and breathe it, Doc. |
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// People will probably whine about that, too // |
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The Nips haven't shut up about Hiroshima or Nagasaki either; that doesn't mean it wasn't exactly the right thing to do.... |
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I believe they're making up your room in hell as we
speak, sir. |
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We have a suite reserved ... |
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//I would be surprised if you were willing to sit in
the cloud and breathe it, Doc.// |
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I'd just do what I always do, move to another table.
In this case, one several thousand miles away,
preferably upwind. |
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How much extra for the luxury suites? |
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You wanna go halves ? We get Corporate discount ... |
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Sure. Can I bring my Barry Manilow box set? Oh, that's
right, it's playing over the public address system
24/7 anyway. |
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Only in the Musicians section ... |
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"I Write The Songs", repeated ad nauseam. |
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//Only in the Musicians section ...// |
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Cool, I'll finally get to meet Michael Jackson! |
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Sorry, I think he melted in the heat at the entrance. |
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I wonder if he set off the smoke detectors? |
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This just brought back a fun memory - sticking wooden splinters inside cigarettes in an unattended pack. Other items such as flammable solids or intoxicants can also be used. |
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Little pieces of a rubber band. Cracks them smokers
right up. |
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Mixing a few fibres of tarred rope into loose tobacco
produces some unusual reactions from the smoker. If
you do it whilst aboard a boat it is best to ensure
you are a strong swimmer prior to making your move. |
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Funny, that. I often put bits of rubber, or sometimes pieces
of feather, into my cigarettes. Pisses off the non-smokers
no end. Me, I only breathe the stuff through a filter. |
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The cigarette filter is a marvel of modern technology.
It lets you inhale the smoke of burning tobacco,
rubber, feathers, tarred rope, and who-knows-what
with complete impunity while annoying (and
poisoning) those around you. And, cheaply! |
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I wonder whether smokers would smoke more or less
than non-smokers if you were to burn them at the
stake? |
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Guy: "Do you smoke after sex?" |
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Gal: "I dunno, I never looked." |
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Guy: "Do you smoke after sex?" |
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Gal: "I dunno, have a look." |
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That's because she's too wet to burn, guys. |
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