Catholics believe that they are consuming the actual blood
and body of Christ during the service of Holy Communion.
The
Shroud of Turin provides the opportunity to add inhalation
to
this oral ingestion on a truly once ever experience.
To
facilitate this event entails dividing the Shroud
into a large
number of segments, which would subsequently be rolled
up
into a severely limited edition of individual cheroots. Each of
these would be totally unique as they would contain a
single
section of the original pattern of the shroud. Appropriately
packaged and certified, the resulting Cheroots of Turin
would
then be sold off in the manner of Indulgences, short
circuiting
a potential millennia spent in purgatory.
Elaborate ceremonies
would herald the lighting up and smoking of one of these
objects, with the remaining ash being able to lay title to yet
more miraculous properties. Large crowds could be
expected
to gather in order to share in the passive smoke, vigorously
wafting the air in an effort to direct every diluted whiff of
the
precious holy vapour towards their gaping mouths and flared
nostrils.