h a l f b a k e r yThe embarrassing drunkard uncle of invention.
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Recently I heard of two small dogs being attacked by larger dogs while they were out being excercised. One was killed and the other was almost skinned alive. This was the inspiration for my idea.
On the outside, it's looks like your average, stylish, well cut dog coat worn by any discerning dog
on the town. But hidden beneath are protective security layers to give your small dog the peace of mind it deserves.
Under the colourful top, there is a layer of steel wool which would make it difficult for sharp teeth to penetrate. Next there is a layer of air to help prevent crush injuries. The coat extends up to protect the neck and should be relatively lightweight and non bulky.
When the coat is put under pressure from the jaws of the offending dog, this triggers a pre-recorded barrage of vicious barking which should give the offending dog enough of a fright to release it's mouthful.
In the event that the sound isn't enough of a deterrent, and the layer of air is pierced, the offending dog will be immobilised by a spray of mace which is contained in pockets in the air layer.
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Not bad, not bad at all. Can I help you a little on this one ? Steel wool or mesh won't do a lot. How about a kevlar inner (lightweight, nicely resistant to penetration), but on the ouside the HMX-based reactive armour that the Israelis deploy on their Merkevar AFV's ? If it'll break up an incoming HESH round or a DU penetrator, it stands a fair chance of discouraging next door's pit bull. As an accessory, can I have a kevalr helmet with drop-down night vision capbility and a 1-way radio so my dog can hear me when he's gone outside furious-screaming-at-the-top-of-my-lungs range ? |
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thought this was going to be FOR humans against little dogs. nonetheless anything by big H is always worth a croissant. |
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Large dogs usually attack the small dog on the nose, & it is over pretty fast as they shake them & the neck snaps. What we need is a 'porcupine suit', the small dog owner has a remote (or maybe a button on the lead) that fires a charge or compressed gas that makes spikes stick out all over the suit. |
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Or the suit inflates so that it looks like a really big dog, with short legs. Hang a decoy head on the tail. Make a mobile defence perimeter on wheels with razor wire, anti-canine mines and watchtowers. |
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Razor-sharp press-on paws for Fluffy along with a Level II Tactical Armor Vest - Yes, it's bulletproof |
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Ha! <boring anecdote> I was walking my father-in-law's cocker spaniel, one of those cockers in which inbreeding has eliminated both intelligence and bladder control. Out from behind a parked car came a really big wolf-type dog with pale blue eyes, stalking along stifflegged. I thought, "Whoops! This spaniel is going to doggie heaven RIGHT NOW!" But the big dog walked all around the cocker spaniel, looking down at it, not even sniffing it. You could see it decide that the spaniel was more to be pitied than chastised, and then the big dog simply walked off.</boring anecdote> |
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Perhaps a lightweight turtle-shell into which the small dog can pull its head and extremities? |
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8th of 7: it's actually Merkava, which means "chariot". |
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I'm not sure that armouring, say, a wee Scottie dug might not be a perilous venture. I've known a few of those ratter-types that were vicious and crazy enough _without_ defence-systems, never mind with; what about the poor mutt that happens to come across one of these little short-arsed bastuhds with a chip on its shoulder and the armaments to match its attitude? |
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Gwenanda: It was late and I was tired .... yes, the Hebrew is typically anglicised as "Merkava" which indeed means chariot. I've picked up some bad habits of spelling such foreign words phonetically; my friends from the IDF make it sound like "Merkevar" when they say it. Neat vehicle, though - has a few points over the Abrams here and there. |
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Guy Fox: I thinl you're referring to the worn-on-the-inside wrong-way-wround binoculars that Yorkshire Terriers have, the ones that reduce Dobermans to the size of mice ? There's no cure for that. |
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//There's no cure for that.// |
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Well, there is, but the owners tend to object to the croquet mallet. |
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Guy Fox: Just you come over here and say that, Mr Big Brave Guy. My Shih Tzu will .... er ..... sneeze on your trouser turnups, lick your ankle, wee on your toecaps and then attempt to steal your shoelaces. |
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Er... that's not very threatening, is it ? |
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By the way, croquet mallets are for hedgehogs. |
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My 150 pound Rottie is forming the Anti-Small Dog Security Armor Coalition immediately. WOOOF! |
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Why not take decoy dogs along for the walk? |
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Since bitty dogs are snarf bait anyway, rig their coats with several #6 big game fish hooks. Your spitz'll get a better ride than the kids at an amusement park. |
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Croissant, for the better points in your idea, ¯Helium. |
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I agree but I think the same system should be introduced for cats. Small cats should be given protective armour and possibly even light weaponry (maybe turn my little kitty into a stegosaurus or ankylosaurus or something). On the other hand I almost changed my mind when I saw what she was doing to the other cats so maybe not. As for dogs, I dont like them much anyhow and to be honest I rather like the mallet method of ridding my heels from gnawing little terriers and mongrels. I actually have a friend who was attacked by a pitt bull whilst walking around a railway bridge near us, he eventually removed the animal from his leg by smacking it over the head with a brick. It didnt look pretty but then I dont think they ever do, its owner tried to sue but that is kind of fruitless when the person you are accusing of 'murdering my little pouchie for no reason' has thundering great bitemarks on his leg, serious scarring and so on. |
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Anyhow, enough of that, maybe we should introdice some kind of protection for people from large dogs, other than bricks I mean....
Sorry for offending and dog owners I may have, erm, offended,
All the best. |
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While I was on holiday, I found a shop selling tiny black waistcoat-like utility vests for dogs - they have two small packs on each side. Now, my Shih Tzu can carry his own tiny water bottle, some pooper-scooper bags, his mobile phone and his wallet. It's so much more convienient, and he looks like a small, fluffy SWAT team member. All he needs is a gun.... |
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Stoofmeister: <Insert 8th of 7's standard obligatory anti-cat rant here>. Agreed, it is very wrong when dogs of any size bite members of the public - but blame the owners, not the dogs. |
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or in the case of my little weiner dog, it would be protection from the cat. |
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Hmmm. . . interesting visual. |
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Steel plate armor for dogs was rather well baked for quite a while. kevlar still is. I suggest you only need find some the appropriate size. I'd go with the steel, since you only need to make it impossible for the larger dog to sink his teeth in. |
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Kevlar can be pierced by a sharp object (knives are an issue
against kevlar vests). Kevlar lined aluminum chain mail has
most of what you want. Light weight, smooth interior, etc.
Make sure the chain is completely insulated from the
protected dog and run a current through it and it would
provide active protection as well. |
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//I'd go with the steel, since you only need to make it impossible for the larger dog to sink his teeth in.//
And if the larger dog has amalgam fillings, it'll hurt like hell. |
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am I the only person who immediately thought of a vest composed of live small annoying canines ? Very useful in a crowded area. |
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So this isn't armor that big dogs wear for protection when
hunting little dogs? |
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